Sexts And Secrets

A single question can expose everything: when did you first send a naughty pic, and who got it? We go there with Miami back in the room and Brittany joining us for the first time, and the stories are as funny as they are painfully relatable. From early-phone nudes to Grindr-era habits, we unpack the angles, the nerves, the “no face pics” rules, and the near-disasters of almost sending something filthy to the wrong person. If you’ve ever stared at your camera roll and thought, why am I like this, you’re in good company. 

Before we get to the sexting confessions, we do a proper life catch-up: moving house, selling up, surviving busy weeks, and the strange mix of pride and chaos that comes with parenting. There’s Sydney nightlife too, including a Bogan Bingo shout-out, plus the kind of mate banter that only works when everyone feels safe to be a bit feral and still be loved for it. 

Then we lift the lid on the “strangest place you’ve had sex” question, swap stories that range from bold to downright risky, and bring in our Red Light Reading Room where we perform lyrics from songs that reference oral sex. To finish, we trial a new mystery-box segment that involves a blindfold, a lot of describing, and objects that probably should not be handled before dinner. 

If you’re looking for an Australian LGBTQ+ podcast that mixes sex positive conversations with real life friendship, dating stories, and unapologetic humour, hit play. Subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a curious mate who’ll have opinions.

Transcript

Welcome To Fully Grown Homos

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Welcome to Fully Grown Homos, a podcast about our adventures as fully grown hymos navigating today's world full of inquisitive friends' questions about gay life and the unexplored activities of a life lived as fully grown homos.

SPEAKER_05 0:17

We'll discuss the gay 101s, sex, sexuality, and topics we don't even know yet. As we want your input into what you want to hear, nothing is off limit, so email us on the fully grown homospodcast at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Or message any of our socials, Fully Grown Homos Podcast. Hey Matt. Guess what? What? It's Saturday night. It is Saturday night. And guess who we got here? Who we got? Wait a second.

SPEAKER_03 1:03

I don't give a fuck. Because I'm in Miami. Bitch. Yeah, I'm in Miami. Bitch. Because I'm in Miami. Bitch. Oh honey, I'm in Miami. Bitch.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Hey Miami. It seems like you're here more than you're not lately.

SPEAKER_09 1:22

I know. I'm back, bitches. You're back.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

But what who's what? Who's that? Who have I got over there? Hang on. Is that someone else?

SPEAKER_03 1:32

Bring it to my printing. Bring it to my bridge. Oh yeah. Bring it to us Britney. Bring it. Bring it. Come on now. Play it proud.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

Hey, yeah. Welcome to the pod, Brittany. Yeah, welcome. Long time listener.

SPEAKER_06 1:59

Thank you, guys. Hello.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Hey.

SPEAKER_09 2:02

Great to be here.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

It's good to have you. Good to have you.

SPEAKER_09 2:05

We're gonna break her in.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

Let's not break her, though. Alright. We might enjoy it.

SPEAKER_09 2:10

Are you telling me we have to be gentle?

SPEAKER_01 2:12

I know.

SPEAKER_05 2:13

She likes it rough. Um so obviously you've listened to the podcast since its inception. I have. And we've mentioned you multiple multi times. Listen multiple times. And we wanted you to come on, but obviously, you know, with your time being poor and everything else and being a mother of young daughter.

Miami Returns And Brittany Arrives

SPEAKER_05 2:30

Yep. Um getting you here has been a big, big thing, but you've actually managed to make it, and we're very proud to have you here. Yay!

SPEAKER_09 2:37

And we can't wait to break you in.

SPEAKER_01 2:39

No, exactly right. Got a really random one today. We've got lots of different little things and bibs and bobs. Before we get into that, what's been happening, Dave? What's been happening in your world?

SPEAKER_05 2:50

Um well I've been moving in with you now. Yeah, you have. I've moved in, taking over your house, taking over your life. Uh brought your dog? Bought my dog, um, packed it up my house.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

Scuffy's scuffy's come. Yeah, he's come over. He's so cute. He came for a couple of weeks ago to get a haircut and he hasn't left. He's just like a lesbian. Um you have this effect on boy dogs, though. Yeah, I do. Men move in and they never move out. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 3:14

Um, what else has been having? Um, just getting house sort of it's obviously sold, obviously. Yeah, so that's a good thing. Um, so yeah, so for me, it's just like the stress of that part's been lifted off my shoulders. But obviously, now I've got four weeks to get out of the house. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

Um which is easy. We can throw it all on the door lawn and say, fucking take it. Yeah. Some of the stuff is a bit too expensive.

SPEAKER_09 3:35

Take it, you fucking bitch.

SPEAKER_01 3:37

Take it indeed. Um, so yeah, um, and we we went to Bogan Bingo last night. Got a shout out to Dazza from Bogan Bingo.

SPEAKER_09 3:46

So stop because like I understand what you're doing there, Matt. But Dave, why were you there?

SPEAKER_01 3:54

Oh look, he A, I'll have you know, he came runner up. Mr. Bogan. Mr. Bogan, alright? I didn't even fucking I didn't even get a look in. He didn't know. Because I was a bit too bogan. I was a bit too bogan.

SPEAKER_06 4:08

Must have been that hairstyle that you were lost.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

Yeah, we both had.

SPEAKER_06 4:11

Did you have a mullet? We did, did you?

SPEAKER_05 4:13

Yeah, don't you not check my socials? I think when Matt showed his midrift, that's when he got the uh I saw that.

SPEAKER_02 4:20

I didn't see AR version.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

Did you see the Chat GPT version though? It's with the abs. It was fucking I had to create that because my fat guts was like not giving me life.

SPEAKER_09 4:30

You are not fat guts, so shut the fuck up.

SPEAKER_01 4:33

No, I'm not, but it was hairy and um sexy.

SPEAKER_06 4:36

I liked the little pull the shirt over and shut my titties out and everything.

SPEAKER_05 4:41

Yeah, but there was a few real genuine bogans there. Yeah, there was. There was one lady with Corn Methany.

SPEAKER_09 4:46

Oh yeah, I know you you were there with one, so yeah, we went with Dick and Fanny.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

Um, we love Dick and Fanny. Yeah, it's her 60th birthday coming up in September. I know, right? I know, right? No, I know. That's what we said. Well, I know. We don't believe it either.

SPEAKER_09 5:04

Um I'm I no, fuck this. I know, we've got to check her ID. I'm going on her socials right now.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

Can you not? Because you'll get distracted and go in the hole. Get out, put it down.

SPEAKER_09 5:13

No, but she's not fucking 60.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

Apparently she's gonna be, right? And um so she's having her birthday party at the Australian brewery, right?

SPEAKER_09 5:20

Does she need a stripper? Because me and Brittany are free.

SPEAKER_01 5:23

Uh yes, are you? Yeah, well, you've got great tits, why wouldn't you? Um yeah. Do it. Yeah. Um, so but we went there to check this venue out, and or they went to check it out, and apparently this bogum pingo was happening on the same night as their 60th, but they were there on the Friday night as well. Shut up. So we went to check it out, and it was so much fun. Get along to Bogan Pingo, support Dazu. We're bringing you next one. No, I'll get it. He's not just in Sydney, he's actually Australia wide. He's in London as well. So if you're in London, check out one of his vents there as well. Yeah, because it was fucking awesome. It was so funny.

SPEAKER_05 5:58

It was so funny.

SPEAKER_01 5:59

What else did we do? We went to church last Sunday morning. You went to church?

SPEAKER_05 6:03

We didn't, yeah, but you had the majority of it. Oh fuck, did I?

SPEAKER_09 6:08

We had the time. Can we get the intro for like can we? Oh no, we can't. Copyright. Copyright, we can't, sorry.

Moving In And Bogan Bingo

SPEAKER_01 6:15

Yeah, that would be cool. That would be cool. We can do our own version. We can do our own version. 100%. 100%. All right, girls, what's been happening in your life?

SPEAKER_09 6:22

No, stop. How many men didn't did Matt take at church?

SPEAKER_05 6:25

Well, he confessed at this bog and bingo last night. It's about 15 guys in the room. The guy asked him this simple question.

SPEAKER_09 6:32

I only fucked a couple of them. Can I ask a question though? Like, when like a guy comes in at we call it a cream pie.

SPEAKER_10 6:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 6:39

Is it the same thing for the asshole? Or is it like a like is it a chocolate pie? Oh no, but like what is it? What is it though? Is it a cream pie? Yes, I'm not sure. If I say you get cream pie, like it's the same thing. Somebody comes inside dark. Alright, so did you get any cream pies?

SPEAKER_01 6:58

I didn't get nobody came in me, but I came in with the. Did you throw a few out there? He pitched a few, yeah. He pitched a pies. I pitched a few, pitched a few cream pies, yeah. Yeah, he did.

SPEAKER_05 7:06

And this one guy was very, very willing to take everything.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

Yeah, and he was hot too. Um, and don't get me wrong, I'm not against it. Um, but it just didn't happen that day.

SPEAKER_09 7:15

I was just I was just wondering. I was just trying to follow along.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

Yeah, and but there was one guy that if he tried, and now one guy did try. Um too cream pie, you the hot one. Yeah, just tried to fuck me. Um but he's he was just he was too.

SPEAKER_05 7:30

Matt was too he's he said to Matt, you're too tight. Yeah. Hey, I've never heard Matt being called tight before.

SPEAKER_02 7:37

Oh my god, yeah.

SPEAKER_09 7:40

But he's saying that, Dave. I've all I've always heard he's a bit of a tight ass. Yeah. I think he's far from the biggest.

SPEAKER_05 7:46

But there was no he is the opposite, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

But there was also a um a big Brazilian guy there. Oh, he was lovely. Beautiful. You mushroom, mushroom? No, no, really long, really fat.

SPEAKER_10 7:59

And long.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

But he was so lean, his body was amazing. It was just like holy and he was a good kisser. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_09 8:06

Does he like females as well? Dijaks if he was by who talked to him?

SPEAKER_01 8:10

Oh, yeah, we don't know. We don't know what his name was.

SPEAKER_09 8:12

He did, but he had a mouthful.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

Had a mouthful, yeah. He did actually, yeah, he sucked dick too as well.

SPEAKER_05 8:19

Well, the actual event started why the me and this Matt and Yeah, I'll let him sell it because apparently he's quicker. Yeah, me and Matt know this guy that we met before there, 44-year-old guy, hot guy, right? We decided to walk upstairs, he was keen, and then as we walked through to where the Dominatrix bar is, there's a mass side table set there, and there's a guy there wanking himself off, right? So we decided to go back in and this other guy then just started fucking sucking his cock within two minutes. This guy blew his load, and then he turned around to Matt and then fucking gobswat with Matt.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

Yeah, it was fucking hot. And then Matt just got hotter, and before you know, more and more and more people in that room, and it was like it was so quick and it went like forever. But we were saying, what what's happened to how's your week?

SPEAKER_09 9:01

Oh sorry, how how are we? How are we even gonna compare with that? How are we gonna compare with that though?

SPEAKER_06 9:08

We went out last weekend to the Jamison Hotel. Yeah, we didn't. We went and watched the frocks. Yeah. At a bit of a bit of a boogie with my green um sparkly shoes. Sparkly shoes, which everybody loves. Right. They fucking they were fawning over you. Sequins.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

Yeah, sequins shoes. Right. Even though your feet were hurting, yeah. Consequently, not too bad. Consequently, Brittany's gone home and sequined every single pair of shoes she owns now. Um she was getting a lot of attention. She was, yeah. From kids to adults to to men to everyone. Everyone. So yeah, the frocks. Yeah, the frocks, the frocks that rock. Um the band the rocks, that's their logo. Check them out if you're in Sydney or wherever they play.

SPEAKER_06 9:47

Amazing.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

Yeah, great girls. Great, great vibe. They were always good, always really good. But Gemmo was fun. That was lots of fun. What else has been happening? Miami? Anything kicks?

SPEAKER_09 9:58

No, nothing. Like, seriously. My day to day is pretty boring. I think I did some fucking grocery shopping in Sydney or something. Oh, what's your puppy days?

SPEAKER_01 10:06

That sounds exciting. Fucking soccer mum this morning.

SPEAKER_05 10:09

Did you do the canteen again?

SPEAKER_09 10:11

Guess what? Why? They asked me to be the marshal this morning.

SPEAKER_01 10:15

Oh, really? What's a marshal do?

SPEAKER_09 10:18

I don't even fucking know, but I put that orange vest on with pride and I stood on the sun. I felt like it was they wanted you away from the game. I feel like it was an invite to be even louder, and I was like, I'll fucking put that orange vest on and I'll stand there and they wanted you to be away from the game. My beautiful brother and his fiancee came and she's heavily pregnant. And she's like, I didn't know what your brother was talking about, but when we pulled up, he's like, the fuck has this fucking bitch got an orange vest on for? You were directing traffic park over there. I was like, I took that to the left. That orange vest meant I was like fucking 22. Did you have power? Don't worry about the Prime Minister. I was. Did you? Fucking, I was like Obama. You know what I mean? Like I stood on that sideline and I fucking Did you stop people from yelling?

SPEAKER_01 11:06

Was that your job?

unknown 11:08

No.

SPEAKER_09 11:08

Well, if it was, I failed. I didn't hear anyone over myself. But apparently I was meant to keep score and stuff. Well, that wasn't gonna happen. So I like um I my husband's father was there, and he's really like precise with stuff. So I'm like, apparently am I meant to keep score, so can you handle that for me? But no, but that's about it for me. Like I've been working my my husband has taken a couple weeks off just to recover. No, to help out with with home because I I do daycare drop off and pick up and work a lot of hours on top of that. So he has um taken two weeks off to volunteer the help. He's out at like 5 a.m. So he's taken a couple of weeks off just to take the pressure off because mum has given the break. Yeah, because the little one uh is in daycare and he was having he was just going through that everything's too much stage, and uh that was too much for mum. So yeah, so dad that stepped in. So I can actually get up and just like get re I feel like I'm on holidays. Yeah, just to get up and get ready and go to work. That's good.

SPEAKER_01 12:21

But yeah, that's been it's hard work being a mum. Like I envy you. Oh no, I don't ever want to be you.

SPEAKER_09 12:26

I had three today.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

Oh, three babies.

SPEAKER_09 12:29

I babysat today. I think of nothing worse. Six months, too, and Ashton, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:34

Wow, I could think of nothing.

SPEAKER_09 12:36

They're beautiful, you know what? They're beautiful, and I had the in-laws too. So if we count them, I had five.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

Yeah, you do. And I know your in-laws, and I love Steve, but he is a child.

SPEAKER_09 12:47

But it was look, it it was great there. I love my nieces. Like my nieces and nephews, I fucking adore them. So if anyone fuck with them, like well, the photo, the video you sent looked really cute.

SPEAKER_01 12:58

Yeah, I had a lot of things. I don't know what she was saying, but it was like really cute. Oh, she's adorable.

SPEAKER_09 13:02

We call her Donnie from Wild Thornbries. Because she's a fine. Okay, so Wild Thornbury's is a yeah, the cartoon. Well, she's just as crazy as actually. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, mate. She's like it, mate. You really she's climbing shit and she's falling off shit, and she's like, she's full boss. Like my husband said today, like I heard him mumble in the kitchen. I'm like, what is he saying? And she was in there talking, I don't even know just gibberish. And I heard him say tell you, and we he said my dad's last name, like tell you a blah blah female, and I was like, hey! But she's a she's just like a full boss bitch. I love her.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

Awesome, awesome, awesome. And how about you, Brittany? Anything exciting happened in your week?

SPEAKER_07 13:49

I think uh lovely GG's obviously at work. We went to the raffles, yeah. I think we all won a bit of money this week, which was great.

SPEAKER_06 13:57

Um my daughter picked a $50 face. Oh I was actually going for the face up the top, right? Which was the $1,000, but I let my daughter um choose. So $50 is better than another. I mean, pick her to the curb, she's out um having a sleepover with a friend tonight. Oh, nice, nice, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

Yeah, mum's time out. So we've acquired you now, which is great. We have

Soccer Mum Life And Survival Mode

SPEAKER_01 14:20

we've said, alright, uh was they were here earlier and we said to them, All right, you've got to go. Because sometimes this podcast gets a little bit naughty. It does. And and it's about to head down that path because I've got a couple of questions. Oh no. That I'm gonna surprise. Yeah, well, we were having a bit of a chat earlier, right? And um, and Miami might want to listen for this one. Um we throwing her under the bus.

SPEAKER_09 14:43

I am listening. Yeah, no, we're gonna throw her under the bus. I'm fucking listening. Okay, because I can do 17. I could do 17 things at once, not like you.

SPEAKER_01 14:51

ADHD says you can. This is dimmy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, alright, so I want you to have a quick think because it's gotta be quick.

SPEAKER_09 15:00

But when you do me, what don't I know?

SPEAKER_01 15:02

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_09 15:03

So just for context, I showed up late and these three have like fucking. We've already worked out what's happened.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 15:08

I'm not, I'm just going with the flow, and I'm like, what's what are they gonna throw at me?

SPEAKER_05 15:12

We bombarded you with different things like numbers and everything, didn't we?

SPEAKER_01 15:15

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_09 15:18

Thought I was Matty's house number. That was funny.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

So Dave's asked us to pick um numbers for the red light reading room um later on, which you'll get to experience. And um, and she said, pick send back a number 16. I was thought she was asking me a question as to is that your house number? And I went, yes. Um, she's got a new fucking idiot. And I went, okay, I'm not gonna argue that point. Um, but

First Nudes And Sexting Mishaps

SPEAKER_01 15:41

yeah. So my question, my first question, is to each and every one of you, the same question. When did you first send a naughty pick? And who was it to?

SPEAKER_09 15:54

Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_05 15:56

Well, mine you guys go. Okay, well, mine would obviously be well not in my fucking first mobile phone because I'd gotta do it otherwise. I didn't send anything in Polaroid or that. No, so you can't.

SPEAKER_09 16:09

Sorry, how did you guys even send like dirty pictures back in the day?

SPEAKER_01 16:16

I got that guy to come and etch it in I got that guy to come and etch it in stone, um, and then just carried some.

SPEAKER_09 16:22

So the pigeon came and then it was a stalk.

SPEAKER_01 16:28

It certainly was. He dropped his load on it. Fucking just lucky he didn't pick or drop a baby anywhere. But yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 16:36

So for me, I mean, uh, you're probably talking uh after I came out. So along talking 2010 onwards or so.

SPEAKER_09 16:44

So you didn't send a dirty like picture to your wife.

SPEAKER_01 16:47

No, but I didn't know.

SPEAKER_09 16:48

Why?

SPEAKER_01 16:49

She'd already seen everything.

SPEAKER_09 16:50

You didn't send a dick pic to her.

SPEAKER_02 16:51

Didn't need to. She saw it.

SPEAKER_05 16:54

She had access to it. She didn't need to, you know. No, probably not. Oh, look, I mean, you know, we have mobile phones, but I mean, not like the art. Nokia 3310, you'd have to actually knock about you're talking Nokia with a little screen on the thing where you didn't have like the phone.

SPEAKER_09 17:06

Who's the who's the oldest here? Me. Dave, and then how many? We're not gonna say ages, and then how many years to you?

SPEAKER_01 17:13

I'm no about 20.

SPEAKER_09 17:16

20 years to you? No. No, that's fucking not.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

20 years in his own. How many years to one?

SPEAKER_06 17:22

He is one year older than me.

SPEAKER_09 17:24

And then how many years younger are you?

SPEAKER_06 17:26

I turned the big five-zero last year. So you're six years younger than me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 17:31

How many years younger am I?

SPEAKER_01 17:32

20 to 10. You're like 20 years younger than us all.

SPEAKER_09 17:35

No, I'm not. I'm not sure. You're already nine, aren't you? I'm fucking not. How old are you? So how are you t how old are you turning?

SPEAKER_06 17:42

I'm 51. Born in 75.

SPEAKER_02 17:45

And I'm 71.

SPEAKER_09 17:47

I'm getting my calculator out because I'm not that great at math. She's not aging.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

While she's doing that, I'm just gonna offer a few uh kernels around.

SPEAKER_09 17:55

I accidentally hit times instead of takeaway.

SPEAKER_01 17:57

Oh fuck, you're the oldest officially. Not at the moment, thank you. So I'm just offering a few minutes.

SPEAKER_09 18:01

No, I'm 12 years younger.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

Oh, I thought you were like 30.

SPEAKER_09 18:05

No, thanks. Younger? Yeah. No, I'm a bit older than that. I'm still under the fours, but oh 39.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

No, I'm not. 38 then. 36. 69. Don't ask me to math.

SPEAKER_09 18:20

69? Yeah, that's how old I am. Oh, sorry, I mean that's I'm you were born?

SPEAKER_01 18:25

Oh, that's your favourite flavour. So, so Dave, who was it to? Oh, okay. Now you got your mouth full. Who was it to?

SPEAKER_09 18:34

Was it two like one of your two like one of your like fucking captains in the Air Force?

SPEAKER_05 18:40

No, I didn't know anything when I was in the Air Force. It would have been someone on Grindr, I guarantee you. Who it would have been, I don't know.

SPEAKER_09 18:45

I was hoping it was to some sexy.

SPEAKER_05 18:46

Because it would have been multiple. I would have said multiple of the same one to multiple guys just to get the. Oh yeah, just that first one, first pick.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

So was it like an above cock shot? I never do face pictures with this. No, no, but was it like from looking down? Was it?

SPEAKER_05 18:59

I think I think I was actually on the bed, so it was like pointing from mixing.

SPEAKER_01 19:06

It would have been on the bed, yeah. So it isn't. Yeah, because not not unlike yourself. We take lots of photos of our dicks. Like, you know how you take a thousand photos of yourself, your face. Um no, I don't. No, okay. No, sorry, you take one and get it perfect the first time, obviously. Um You're a fucking bitch. I know. Oh, I'm a bitch now.

SPEAKER_09 19:25

Britain, you're here. Like, you need to stick up for me here.

SPEAKER_01 19:29

It needs to be trans boys.

SPEAKER_09 19:31

Yeah, we're fucking oath.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

But yeah, we take a lot of photos to make sure we've got the right angle because it's gotta look good. It's gotta look good.

SPEAKER_09 19:37

So, what you're telling me is when I get a dick pic off a guy and I go, fuck, that looks good, it's actually not that good in real life, and they've taken about fucking 50 of them just to get that one. Yeah, probably. Yeah, 100%. Absolutely, yes. Yeah, and chat GBT won't be scrutiny. Take note.

SPEAKER_01 19:52

Just so you're aware, chat GBT won't help you improve that photo. Did you try?

SPEAKER_09 19:58

Did you fucking try to air your dick pics? I've tried to add my dick pics, yeah. Of course I've got fucking problems.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

I've got really you mean me. I've got a nice dick, you're right.

SPEAKER_09 20:09

Yeah, exactly. So why?

SPEAKER_01 20:10

But I wanted to look nicer.

SPEAKER_09 20:12

And bigger, probably. No, not bigger. He wanted a mushroom. I wanted to try the mushroom removed. Maybe, maybe he's like, hey, chat GBT, hide these crabs.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

What he really wanted to do. I do have a hairy shaft. Yeah. He wants a shaft.

SPEAKER_06 20:32

Don't you shave it? Don't you shave a shaft?

SPEAKER_01 20:34

I shave it. No, I don't wax it, I shave.

SPEAKER_06 20:35

There's hair on the shaft.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

Yeah, yeah. Like, not it's not like full like my arm.

SPEAKER_05 20:40

But you do grow hair on the shafts full way.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

Yeah, a lot of men do.

SPEAKER_06 20:42

I thought it was just around the big hair.

SPEAKER_01 20:45

Fuck no. A lot of men, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We discovered this, I discovered this at Naked Camp that it was actually quite common. Hairy sharp.

SPEAKER_05 20:53

I've gone down to do like the bumhole lick and yeah, and like but I want to confess that Matt only does AI on his dick because he wants to make it look like a Mars bar.

SPEAKER_02 21:05

Mars or the vein.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

Because of the veins in it, yeah. Oh, yeah. Trying to make my dick look extra veiny. I'd love a really veiny dick. That'd be really cool. My dick's alright, honestly. Yeah, my dick's nice. We're never gonna get through this podcast the way we're going. So, okay, so you don't remember who some random grounds are. It would have been grinder, someone grinder, I don't know. Okay. Brittany, who was yours? Oh, that's when was yours, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_06 21:27

I don't remember the year, but um when the flip phone knockier, I think. Yeah, yeah. Um obviously being a female, you have to get low because so you can see all your bits and you pull up open things and have a look and you think, oh, that's too high, so you have to go down a little bit lower.

SPEAKER_05 21:45

I've actually seen women do it in the mirror. Is that right? Is that common?

SPEAKER_06 21:49

Uh I never have, but I've always had enough of the down low. Okay. Yeah, and just sent it to random people that I kind of know. So random, like how these are probably on the website. Oh four oh five.

SPEAKER_09 22:01

Don't worry about that, baby. Before I had Instagram, I used to take photos and then send them to my ex-best friend and ask her to put a filter on it.

SPEAKER_06 22:08

I've done a lot of like with looking pots.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

Your booby ones in my synodies. Yeah, your booby ones. But yeah, but you've got great tits. You really do. I still do though. Yeah, I know. Yeah, they're good.

SPEAKER_06 22:19

Probably the only thing I've got going for me.

SPEAKER_01 22:20

No, you've got lots going on for you. A lot going for you. Thank you very much. But your tits are you're fantastic tits. So yeah. Miami, how about you? What was your first new?

SPEAKER_09 22:31

I don't know. It would have been to one of my first boyfriends. Like that's what it would have been. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 22:36

But would it have been tits or vagina? Would have been everything.

SPEAKER_09 22:39

Probably both.

SPEAKER_05 22:40

Or your bum.

SPEAKER_09 22:41

Yeah, no, I don't know. It would have yeah, it probably just would have been like because back then it just would have been like standing in the mirror in some undies and you're not. That would have been the first sort of thing.

SPEAKER_05 22:54

Have you ever said anything with like an inserted like object?

SPEAKER_09 22:59

No, but I've sent mine with like a vibrating bore.

SPEAKER_05 23:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_09 23:03

Oh no, I may have said no, tell a lie. No, no, I've definitely probably said with an Have you ever sent a picture of you sucking a cock? No, but I've taken videos.

SPEAKER_05 23:13

Okay, well, wow, okay. I think we've all done that back in the year. Have you ever sent it to the wrong person?

SPEAKER_07 23:18

No. Oh no, could you imagine?

SPEAKER_01 23:23

I almost did. You can't do that. I definitely said that definitely on the fucking black web somewhere. My boss.

SPEAKER_05 23:28

Oh, you did that's right.

SPEAKER_01 23:29

My boss at the time. I because I was going into my album, right, and hiding, selecting them so I could highlight the hide the album, right? And I almost pressed send and it came up with her number. Now I told her about it because we were quite close, and she laughed. She said, I would have just rated it and sent it back to you, right? And I went, Yeah, but I probably would have been fired in the meantime. So yeah. So for me, I think my first real foray into dick pics as such was really quite late. It's just yeah, pretty much.

SPEAKER_09 24:03

Like, do you want to hear something that's sort of a bit embarrassing, but for so I had this guy, like, okay, so when I went through my you know, when I went through my fucking real whore stage, oh I know. Between my now husband and my ex-boyfriend, who you think Dave would like. Yep, yep. That one that we worked with. Why are we dropping names, bro?

SPEAKER_01 24:22

Okay, because he's clearly gonna listen.

SPEAKER_06 24:25

Between anything, really.

SPEAKER_09 24:28

Between those, and I went through my real like whore it up stage. I was talking to this guy, and he's like, he was a bit bipolar. Like I knew, but I thought maybe he'll be a crazy fuck. You know when you know that?

SPEAKER_01 24:40

Yeah, yeah, mentor is crazy.

SPEAKER_09 24:42

Yeah, exactly. And anyway, and he's like, send me something sexy, and I send that for trying to be a chunk. I thought it would get him back. He's like, Oh wow, I wasn't expecting that. I said something sexy.

SPEAKER_02 24:59

It was fucking full gas.

SPEAKER_09 25:01

Like it was fucking full gas. Yeah, well, no, it was open. Everything was open.

SPEAKER_01 25:07

And I get that because I I am not a fan of a whole pig.

SPEAKER_09 25:11

And you know what? I was offended then, but now I look back and I'm like, fuck, no, definitely not. Now I look back and I'm like, fuck yeah, he was right. He's not sexy. But that just shows the sort of men that I was playing around with like that was a side question.

SPEAKER_01 25:28

Were you prolapsed at the time?

SPEAKER_09 25:30

I've never been pro I have I am not prolapsed. Actually, I just remember I have a beautiful plumpy light pink box.

SPEAKER_06 25:42

I have I've just remembered something talking about like showing you bits and pieces. I remember going um to King's Cross into a strip joint. Butterbean. I used to friend butterbean school. Um there was a a friend and I, we worked together at the time, and um we had to pay an entry free. We thought I'm not gonna pay like $10 to $15 to see some people. So show us your tits. So off we went both weeks. We got our tits stamped, and then we went for five. Oh wow, yeah. Yep.

SPEAKER_05 26:11

I do that. I would do that 100%. Look, did our cameras up in the Probably button? Oh wow, okay. That's awesome though. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_09 26:19

Yeah, I had issues at a Lincoln Park concert once when I was younger. And I was with a group of male friends who are just male friends before you jump in there, Matt. Um, some of them still know today, and I and know their partners and love their partners. Um, and yeah, we had some issues with security to try to get and I don't even know what it was for, but yeah, no, I flashed my tits and we all got in. Wow. Cool.

SPEAKER_01 26:45

That's so good.

SPEAKER_09 26:46

So I think you just gotta do what you gotta do. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 26:50

Yeah. My first nude was probably, like I said, after I'd broken up with my recent partner, because there wasn't really What? Yeah, I hadn't really sent dick pics to anyone. Oh blush shots. Actually, no, I lied. Okay, there was probably Darren. Darren there would have I would have sent dick pics to Darren and that as well, yes, because we made our own porno as well. Oh you go. Okay, so recently recently, because we were looking through my garage and we were looking for videos from my sister's 50s. Where is it, Dave?

SPEAKER_02 27:19

Get it.

SPEAKER_08 27:19

No, pause, pause the podcast, let's watch it and then come back.

SPEAKER_01 27:24

I opened I opened this suitcase in there and it's got like full of VCRs, right? Um, that's how old I am. No, I know that's fucking how old I am. And I was a VCR. Suck a dick, bitch. Um and I thought to myself, fuck, one of these videos in here could have that video in there. So I kind of thought, I want to get a video player now, and I don't even know where you actually buy one and go through and watch.

SPEAKER_09 27:53

Amazon has everything, just Amazon is.

SPEAKER_01 27:55

Okay, yeah, I could do that, actually. But anyway, back to my dictator.

SPEAKER_09 27:59

They fucked me up. Oh, did they really? I've taken Timu did me hard and fucking raw dogged me up the ass lately. Let me tell you. Just go to Sheen. Don't even fuck around with Timu. Is Sheen okay? Sheen's fantastic.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

Oh my god, we're not sponsored by those guys.

SPEAKER_09 28:16

I'm sorry, but Timu, like, they they'll fuck you up the ass with they'll just raw dog it.

SPEAKER_01 28:20

Timu, what do you expect? Like, you know, you get what you're saying.

SPEAKER_09 28:24

I got some Sheen Sheen fixture problems.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

You get what you pay for. Just saying. Right, just saying. Sorry anyway. My first dick pic was a long time ago on Land Far Away, probably like you said, on the stone, right? Um, but my favourite one, right, is your my cock pump one. It is, it's great. Yeah, it's really how you were gonna say that one. Yeah, it's really Do you still have it? Yeah, of course I have it.

SPEAKER_09 28:49

Don't you hate when you have like, I think back to like one of my ultimate, like, oh my god, amazing photos. And I'm like, I fuck, I wish I still had that. No, still.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

I've still got it, and it's like, and it still looked good, and I still use it quite frequently. Yeah, because and then some people go, Why have you got a cockpump? And I go, because have you seen how good my dick looks in it? Like, that's why. Like, you know, and um, but yeah, yeah. So dick pics, that was a good one. Yeah, so now we're

Wild Youth Memories And Sexpo

SPEAKER_01 29:15

gonna go to when we were young. Let's we're just gonna have a little bit of a chat about with each other, about when we were young and the things we do. Because Brittany, we've known each other for a long time. We go way back. We worked together in retail a million years ago in land far away. We won't mention the where. Um because I had to do some editing on our podcast last week, didn't I, Miami?

SPEAKER_09 29:38

Because and me and Dave have known each other. Me and I we go way back days. We do. We have known each other since the airport days when I used to do that.

SPEAKER_05 29:48

When I came through immigration and you stuck my passport and you said that's welcome to Australia, you lunatic.

SPEAKER_09 29:53

And then I threw myself on the airplane wing and we did a photo shoot together.

SPEAKER_05 29:58

This is all at Hortus. Okay. Did you? Are you the kangaroo?

SPEAKER_09 30:03

How many drinks have you had? Fucking would be. No, I just felt like I just felt like that.

SPEAKER_01 30:08

We needed that. But we've known each other for forever. Yeah. And so when we were young, what are some of the crazy shit you remember us doing?

SPEAKER_06 30:16

We um went to a lot of dance parties, Mighty Grow, we didn't change in the um car parks.

SPEAKER_01 30:23

In the car parks.

SPEAKER_06 30:24

Car took in if we did that recently. Yeah, we did that recently. It hasn't changed.

SPEAKER_01 30:28

Oh, really? Oh, okay. Took some ecstasy back in the day. I'm not afraid to say it because hey, we've grown up as adults, and I don't know if I could do it now. I I like to think that I could, but then I know that I can't even recover after two drinks.

SPEAKER_09 30:43

Cargo bar.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

Fuck you. I've never beaten cargo bar. No, I had a bit of coke.

SPEAKER_09 30:50

I don't think Matt's.

SPEAKER_01 30:51

I had a little bit of coke and and a fucking projectile vomited all over the grass out the front of cargo bar.

SPEAKER_09 30:58

And he tried to put his hands up and like, you know, when you put your hands up in your fingers and it just went like went between his fingers. And the security were like, hey, can't go back in. We weren't anyway.

SPEAKER_05 31:09

But it was quite funny because we were at the club last week and my son was there with us. And my son's 21, going 22.

SPEAKER_00 31:15

Hi Adam.

SPEAKER_05 31:16

Hey, and uh, and basically he mentioned about you know what would I do if I found that he took coke and stuff like that. And I like I was like, because I don't I've never done it. Well, no, I no what would you do? Well, I would have gone how old's Adam? He's 21, 22.

SPEAKER_01 31:31

Dave said I'd be just and Dave said, I said, he knows how I react.

SPEAKER_05 31:37

I go from zero to a hundred very, very quickly. Zero to two hundred, buddy. So Matt kind of stepped in and said, Well, you'd have to tell me, not your dad, because you just know that I would be there to help you out.

SPEAKER_06 31:49

But why would he tell you though?

SPEAKER_01 31:50

No, I said he he said if I was ever in trouble, if I'd done it and I'd gotten myself into trouble.

SPEAKER_05 31:55

I've done how I would react. Because I mean I've never done it before and I'd be disappointed in him doing it, that's all.

SPEAKER_01 31:59

I said you wouldn't call your dad, you'd call me. Yeah. I said, don't call your dad.

SPEAKER_09 32:02

So Matt has ADHD, and ADHD people are fucking fire in like situations like that.

SPEAKER_01 32:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 32:09

Yep. We can't handle our own life, but but I can tell you how to organise yours. I can give you a list, I can fucking make it a fucking done.

SPEAKER_01 32:18

It'll be amazing. And now with the help of AI and Chat GBT, right, I can make it really pretty as well. Anyway, I'll let you go back to where you're talking. Sorry. I just done lots of Mardi Gras parties.

SPEAKER_06 32:32

We did. Dance parties.

SPEAKER_01 32:33

Dance parties. Um we remember the time we went to Sexpo and we all spun on the frickin' the um the pole and you girls got your tits out and rubbed in those jelly those little beads.

SPEAKER_06 32:46

There was like Oh, yes, and there was a this isn't the Britney idea.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

Yeah, you don't yeah, I've got a past. She she she she she's different. She's different now. She's a mum. Yeah, but I'm a mum too.

SPEAKER_05 33:01

I know you're both different, but hey, you got pasts.

SPEAKER_09 33:05

Yeah, tell me about this, Brittany.

SPEAKER_01 33:07

Yeah, tell them, Britney. Tell them all about our stuff.

SPEAKER_06 33:10

Yeah, I mean, it's a long time ago, like 30 odd years probably.

SPEAKER_01 33:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 33:16

Oh I was that's probably not even born by showing our age.

SPEAKER_01 33:22

You weren't born, bitch. You you were already thinking about it. Fox Studios. Huh? Fox Studios. Fox Studios, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 33:30

Fox Studios. Yeah, back in the day.

SPEAKER_09 33:32

I think I I went to a sexpo there actually when I first turned 18.

SPEAKER_05 33:36

I went to my first sexpo there as well. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 33:38

I think I remember buying some sexy stockings or something. And there was a bath there with some of those. Did you have to do that? Did you ever recount? No, I don't think we made out, no.

SPEAKER_01 33:50

No, I was definitely boys boys only. No, okay. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 33:53

Um I remember going back to your place like in Preston's back in the day when um we were with Mr.

SPEAKER_01 34:00

Y and hanging out at work and just having the best time. Yeah. Yeah, no, my friend. That was great. And even the wine parties.

SPEAKER_06 34:09

Oh, yeah, we had a lot of those. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 34:11

Oh my god, didn't we?

SPEAKER_06 34:12

Um wine parties.

SPEAKER_01 34:13

Yeah, a guy used to come to your um house. He was a bit creepy too, also. He was very creepy. He's come to your house. Yeah. And he'd bring wine and port and all that kind of stuff. No, no. Fucking port.

SPEAKER_09 34:29

What did he fucking hop off a fucking boat with Dave's parents or something? Fucking port. It was actually really nice.

SPEAKER_06 34:36

If I think about it off hard, I could probably remember it.

SPEAKER_01 34:39

But yeah, I know the brand. It was never on that yeah.

SPEAKER_06 34:42

Had it a couple of times actually because he remembered us, but even later before we parted ways for whatever reason, no reason at all. But grew up, yeah. We um was it St. Mary's or something? We went to and danced around the dance floor. It was a square dance.

SPEAKER_09 34:56

I think we'd taken like I might have been there. Like I would have only been 18, but I may have been there before.

SPEAKER_01 35:03

There would have been six people there about nine.

SPEAKER_09 35:05

And we did 18-year-old days.

SPEAKER_06 35:06

I won't be the um dance for the club.

SPEAKER_01 35:08

Yeah, we owned it. I got no idea because I wasn't there. We owned that dance for it.

SPEAKER_09 35:12

It was just actually I actually was dating one of the security guards there.

SPEAKER_01 35:16

And that checks. That checks with you, because they were all big Samoans. I was gonna say that. But literally, there was us, and then there was probably about like six other patrons in the whole venue. So the DJ was playing just for us, right? And we just went, let's fucking laugh.

SPEAKER_06 35:33

It's like we were line dancing around each other.

SPEAKER_01 35:36

It was funny. It was fun to dance for. So we had some fun. We definitely had some fun.

SPEAKER_06 35:40

Then we just parted. I don't know how or why it happened, but things just changed direction.

SPEAKER_01 35:45

Yeah, it was just I think I got within a resurrection, probably.

SPEAKER_05 35:48

No, I got with that other dickhead.

SPEAKER_06 35:49

Yeah, and um well we I knew you then. Yeah, but then I think we just moved.

SPEAKER_01 35:55

Yeah, we moved and then you guys moved, and you were with that other guy at you were at Flight Centre at that point in time, I think, or somewhere like that.

SPEAKER_07 36:03

Might have been.

SPEAKER_01 36:03

Yeah, so then to sort of go there. Yeah, something like that. But yeah, yeah, so lots of different stuff. Yeah. Um

Strangest Places We’ve Had Sex

SPEAKER_01 36:11

Alright, now I've got one more question. We heard this question last night at the um Bogam Bingo. Jesus. No. What's the strangest place you've had sex?

SPEAKER_05 36:22

Oh well, we know where yours is.

SPEAKER_01 36:24

You don't.

SPEAKER_05 36:25

Well you told everybody last night.

SPEAKER_01 36:26

No, that wasn't strange though. That's an everyday occurrence. I know, right? A weekly occurrence. What's the strangest place you've had sex? Miami?

SPEAKER_09 36:35

Oh, what's strange though? I know. Can I go last week? What would what would n what was I just like I don't know what strange can we uh can I go last?

SPEAKER_01 36:43

Yeah, okay. Alright. You want to go first, Brittany? Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 36:47

Sure. Um maybe back in the day, 20 20 years ago, maybe. Um, should I say where it was? Yeah, why not? Yeah. It was in um Koji Bay, I think, and there was a guy in a kilt. Uh put my hand up there to see if there was you know underwear.

SPEAKER_01 37:04

Was he wearing any?

SPEAKER_06 37:05

No, it was fantastic.

SPEAKER_09 37:07

And fucking Outlander. Who loves Outlander? Do you watch Outlander? No, I don't know what that is.

SPEAKER_06 37:15

I'll put it on my list. You might get flashbacks. And um we, you know, left the club because it was finished. So there was myself and another two girls. So we were all just like hashing him, and uh, he was sort of going around to the next school, hashing, pashing, pashing, and then um the two of us, well actually all three of us jumped in a cab because we uh were staying at a friend's at Marubra, and then we stopped at Marubra pool. Stopped at Maruba pool and then we had an acid swim with two of us um in the pool. It would have been his dream. Oh, it was amazing. And then um This guy fucking died. I pretty much the rocks uh in the night time at the time.

SPEAKER_09 37:53

Did you get bomb did you get bomb graze?

SPEAKER_06 37:58

I don't think so. Uh then you crack against the bags.

SPEAKER_09 38:01

No, no, she's said against the rocks. Oh, against the rocks, okay.

SPEAKER_10 38:05

No, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 38:06

Oh, so the other way around. So did he keep his kilt did he keep his kilt on the whole time?

SPEAKER_06 38:13

No, because she rented over his handbox. Ah, that's right, when in water taking turns, kissing and whatever with another friend at the time.

SPEAKER_01 38:21

Very sexy, very sexy. That's great.

SPEAKER_05 38:22

How about you, Dave? Or was it the strangest place you've had sex on? Well, I wouldn't say it's strange because I mean, as gay people, we tend to have sex anywhere and everywhere. So it becomes like the norm for us, I suppose. But I spent, you know, for me, one of the earliest memories I had was having sex outside for the first time. Because I don't normally do that as well, because I'm pretty I had sex under the bridge. Oh really?

SPEAKER_09 38:44

Oh in that open bit of grass.

SPEAKER_01 38:46

Mine would have been like full penetrative sex. Yeah. Wow. Okay.

SPEAKER_09 38:50

You know that open bit of grass? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:52

Like where the bench seats are and yeah, Beneling, Benelong Point, I think it's called or something like that. Yeah. Yeah, there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 38:58

Sorry, I just remembered that. No, I think I think for me, we've we've been to this place before, uh Burley Beach. Yeah, yeah. You know, so you know where we went and uh went up the back of the bushes. In the back of the bushes, yeah, we went through that lake area, didn't we? So that would have been sort of like the most um earliest time I'd ever done anything outside. And I remember that being quite a turn on because it was still daylight, and I think I was on my own at that point. I had gone there on my own, and obviously hooking up with people that you don't know who they are anyway. And yeah, I think I got such a thrill out of it, even though I know it was unsafe, and that's it was way out of my character zone and way out of my sort of like comfort zone as well. Because I'm a very, very like um person that doesn't like break in the law, and I'm always worried about getting caught and stuff, you know. I wouldn't say boring, but I mean I think it's stroking. Yeah, because obviously I never experienced this at a younger person, like your your age is when you were younger, and you know, my time I was in the military, so I was in the military. So I was like really responsible. Exactly right, you know what I mean. And it was like really governed by a lot of protocols and stuff there. So for me, you know, in in terms of me being older and you know, that it was still a bit of a risky take, but I did I enjoyed it, it was great. Yeah. So that that would be my sort like sort of at the time, you know. I mean, I've done a lot more series, obviously.

SPEAKER_09 40:21

Yeah, I don't know. I don't I don't know what what was the actual question? Was it weirdest or most strangest place you've had to say? I had okay.

SPEAKER_05 40:34

Graveyard? You tell me. No, graveyard's not a church car park. Okay, yeah. While Jesus was watching.

SPEAKER_09 40:44

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_05 40:45

Was that with a teacher though? No. Okay. While you were at school? No. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_09 40:50

Um like I don't think there's many people.

SPEAKER_01 40:52

This isn't a bragging list, bitch.

SPEAKER_09 40:54

No, but I just threw no and then you where did you just say before?

SPEAKER_05 40:58

The beach. Uh the birdie beach.

SPEAKER_09 41:02

No, there was something.

SPEAKER_05 41:04

You said under the harbour bridge, didn't you?

SPEAKER_09 41:06

Yeah, under the harbour bridge.

SPEAKER_05 41:07

Um is that by the pylon or I don't know.

SPEAKER_09 41:10

It was light, but I didn't care. Um stairs. There's been quite a few places.

SPEAKER_05 41:17

What about an elevator? You've had sex in the elevator?

SPEAKER_09 41:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 41:21

That's quite that's quite good. Because you go up and down, but then put the button on hold and just like. Yeah, you just stop when the you just 69th floor.

SPEAKER_09 41:29

I don't there's been quite a few.

SPEAKER_05 41:33

Yeah, I mean you've lived a life that's just really. You've been a whore as well. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:36

So excuse me. Yeah, as well. I said I included myself. What about you? What about you? Me, um, again, strange, nothing strange. Dolph kennel? Because no, no, I would not do that. No. I like see, I got busted when I was quite young in a public toilet block. But public toilets are quite common for gay men, especially in the late 80s and all stuff like that. Yeah, correct. So, like, we've done oh like strangest place, strangest place recently would have been potentially at Panthers. What?

SPEAKER_05 42:12

Um in a disabled toilet downstairs.

SPEAKER_01 42:16

With me and Dan? With who? With Dan, Dan, one of the guys that we're hanging out with. He he did one of our first podcasts a long time ago now.

SPEAKER_09 42:24

Oh, that one. Yeah, we went into the street. What made you go in there and go?

SPEAKER_01 42:28

Well, what made me was these two companies. No, downstairs in the blue. Oh, really? Wow. Disabled. Well, she does. Um can't clean that off. Dave and Dan came back and they had this look on their face, and they'd been gone a little while, and I went, Where have you two been? And Dave went, toilets. And I went, oh yeah. And I'm thinking to myself, which toilets? And they went, disable one. And I went, huh? And Dan turned around and said, I'll show you next time you need to go. I said, Well, I'm pretty sure I need to go now.

SPEAKER_05 43:03

And off they went. And off the water.

SPEAKER_06 43:04

Down the bottom of the ramp to the right. Yeah. Go to the left side. Left.

SPEAKER_01 43:08

Where where the time zone is. Yeah. On that left. Down the bottom there.

SPEAKER_05 43:12

You came down the left. To the bottom. Yeah, just as you walk into the toilets there. I know where it's the toilets go into the men's.

SPEAKER_01 43:20

So that was pretty strange from a like very risky knowing how many cameras they've actually got. Yeah, and the lights were on too. Yeah, the lights were definitely on and all that kind of stuff. So it was like that's risky. And you had your family with you. Um no, it didn't have to be.

SPEAKER_05 43:35

We came for that concert over the road. Kylie was there and all the other people were there.

SPEAKER_01 43:39

Oh, they were there then, exactly.

SPEAKER_09 43:41

You fucking didn't.

SPEAKER_01 43:43

They were too, yeah. Oh wow, yeah. That was that. So that was pretty strange. But again, I've fucked people everywhere. I've done it at the back of Obelisk Beach. I've been fucked there. I've done like lorries, trucks.

SPEAKER_05 43:55

It's cars at a car. Have you ever done it on a train?

SPEAKER_01 43:58

No, but I've done I've I've done hand jobs on a plane, but um that's not a ship. I got fingered on a train. Yeah, we did balcony on the ship, yeah. Balcony BJs. Um, yep, but yeah,

Red Light Reading Room Song Picks

SPEAKER_01 44:10

so there's nothing really strange, but yeah. All right, so ladies and gents, I'm about to tell you to get your phones out, which is I'm giving you permission here. I think fucking. Because we're going to be doing this.

SPEAKER_00 44:25

Low life, slow breath, come a little closer. Velvet work slide off my shoulder. Pages turn, heart speed and tune. Welcome inside the red light reading.

SPEAKER_01 44:57

Oh yeah. Maybe it's that time and we get all sexy and we get people to read out things. And this time, this week, Dave, we've got four different things to read out. Well, and what are we gonna choose, Dave?

SPEAKER_05 45:15

Well, we're gonna choose our topic is on songs that contain oral sex.

SPEAKER_01 45:21

Now, strict rules here. No trying to sing those songs, Miami. Because we know you're tone deaf.

SPEAKER_09 45:28

If I'm gonna fucking sing, I can sing.

SPEAKER_01 45:31

You sing it, bitch. Please don't. We will lose listeners.

SPEAKER_05 45:35

Um I think it's only fair that um Britney.

SPEAKER_01 45:39

You're gonna send Britney into the dirty. No, not first. I think she should go first. You wanna go first? We'll go first. Oh, I also it's not like she hasn't heard the segment. No, she hasn't. So yeah, so um so your song is Brittany's song to get all sexy with. Dave, make sure you introduce it.

SPEAKER_05 45:57

You don't have to do all of yours, because I've only got shorts.

SPEAKER_01 45:59

I've never heard it, by the way, so no, well that's that's the beauty of reading. It's you just put your sexy spin on it. Alright, um.

SPEAKER_05 46:06

Can you remember what I sent you?

SPEAKER_01 46:07

Yeah, of course I can remember. I've got everything fucking bookmarked.

SPEAKER_05 46:11

Tell everybody what she's going to read. Britney's gonna read. You only read it part of what you know. Okay, all right.

SPEAKER_01 46:16

Brittany's gonna sing. Um say. Um she's gonna do this one. It's called Not Tonight by the famous little Kim. Take it away, Brittany.

SPEAKER_07 46:29

Okay. I know a dude named Jimmy. Night time, is he drunk? The henny I didn't mind it. Uh-huh. And he felt me from behind. What? It felt fine, especially when he used the grind.

SPEAKER_01 47:26

I think that's sexy enough, thank you. Dave's about to expect.

SPEAKER_08 47:33

I fucking love little Kim. Why didn't I hit that one?

SPEAKER_01 47:37

Because you would have tried to wrap it. Um I swear to God, you're a prick. I felt it was gonna pass.

SPEAKER_02 47:42

I was gonna hold my breath.

SPEAKER_01 47:44

That was random, random drawing. People just pick numbers. I know.

SPEAKER_05 47:48

I think we should give you another go later on if you want to have it again.

SPEAKER_06 47:50

It's very hard to see it though. It is on the top. It was on the small writing on my phone.

SPEAKER_01 47:55

Next.

SPEAKER_05 47:56

Alright, so Dave, are you gonna be just wipe my glasses a minute because it went to go last?

SPEAKER_01 48:02

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_05 48:05

Yeah, I love that. That was awesome, Brittany. That was awesome.

SPEAKER_01 48:08

That was good. That was very good. What am I reading, Matt? Dave, you're reading Drive by Melissa Farrick. Who's Melissa Farrick? I don't know, but she's got a song about oral sex, so that's what Dave's doing. Alright. Are we all ready? Ready, go, okay, go, you sexy beast.

SPEAKER_04 48:24

Right. Whatever you want, I'll give it to you. I'll give it to you slowly. To you just begging me to hold you. Ya, whatever you want. Whatever you want, but you're gonna have to ask me. Your mouth waters stretched out, tuck it on my bed. Your fingers are trembling, and your heart is heavy and red. Your head is bent back and your back is arched. My hands under there, holding you up. I'll hold you up and drive you all night. I'll hold you up and drive you, baby, till you feel the daylight. And drive you all night. I'll hold you up and drive you till you feel like you're done.

SPEAKER_05 49:13

That's right and right.

SPEAKER_01 49:16

You dirty dirty boy! Oh wow. You are, you're steamed up. Your glasses have actually you've steamed yourself up, you dirty fucker. Alright, so I'm gonna do one that I think a lot of people know the tune, right? It's actually called Walk in the Wild Side by Lou Reed. Yay. Try not to sing. That's what they're gonna be the struggle for me here. Polly came from my F L A. It's like a way across you. Plucked her eyebrows, shaved her legs, and then she said, Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. She said, Hey honey, take a walk on the wild side. Candy came home from the island in the back room. She was everybody's darling, but she never lost a head. Even she was given head. She said, Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side.

SPEAKER_07 50:31

Woohoo!

SPEAKER_09 50:33

Yeah, well done.

SPEAKER_05 50:34

Yeah. You said that all without breathing. Yeah, I'm gonna do it.

SPEAKER_09 50:37

You can take a walk on my wild side.

SPEAKER_05 50:39

Oh yeah, baby.

SPEAKER_01 50:40

Oh god.

SPEAKER_05 50:41

No, I think you got the best one.

SPEAKER_01 50:43

Now, you got what is something that is iconically iconic.

SPEAKER_09 50:49

Before you tell me what everyone would have got, I just want to say I was one and a half when this came out.

SPEAKER_01 50:57

One and a half. Right. And Dave, what I need you to do.

SPEAKER_09 51:02

Britney rolled her eyes at me while Miami's. She's like, fuck this bitch.

SPEAKER_01 51:06

Is grab the box.

SPEAKER_05 51:08

Oh, yes, I will.

SPEAKER_01 51:09

Alright. Dave's gonna go and grab a box for the next second.

SPEAKER_09 51:14

Hang on. Dave's grabbing my box while I try to do this. How's that gonna work? I'm going to fill your box. I was grabbing Brittany. Oh, he's gonna grab Brittany's box. Okay, I won't because I need to concentrate.

SPEAKER_01 51:25

Alright, so close your eyes. Miami.

SPEAKER_09 51:28

Don't look at me, Brittany. That's the rule you have to look away.

SPEAKER_01 51:30

She has to look away.

SPEAKER_09 51:31

I can't do it. She can't do it.

SPEAKER_01 51:34

She doesn't like being watched.

SPEAKER_09 51:34

She doesn't like eye contact.

SPEAKER_01 51:36

She doesn't like to be watched. Alright, so Miami, you have like a prayer by the one, the only Madonna. Take it away.

SPEAKER_09 51:50

I hear you call my name. And it feels like a when you call my name, it's like a little prayer. I'm down on my knees. I wanna take you there. In the midnight hour. I can feel your power. Just like a prayer. You know I'll take you there. That's all I'm doing.

SPEAKER_01 52:19

Oh fucking thank God, because again, I'm gonna suffer with premature ejaculation if you girls keep going like that.

SPEAKER_06 52:27

Looking my seats furry.

SPEAKER_01 52:29

Yeah. And moist. So um Dave's just getting something prepared, but in the meantime,

The Mystery Box Gets Messy

SPEAKER_01 52:40

let me explain to our listeners what we're about to do. Miami's about to put a blindfold on because we've got a new segment that we're gonna be called. Right. And it she's gonna put it on um any second now after she gets a piece of corn and shoves it in her mouth. Um she's going to be putting this blindfold on back. We're gonna give her this box, right? Since when have you ever judged me for putting things in my mouth? Never, absolutely never. Um, right. And that's what she said. And we're gonna give her this box, and she's gonna have to guess what's in that box.

SPEAKER_09 53:14

Look at me, just like I have fucking no idea what's going on. I'm just like openly putting this blind flood on like.

SPEAKER_05 53:19

But you gotta describe it in detail for the minute.

SPEAKER_09 53:22

I need to take my headphones off first.

SPEAKER_05 53:24

Okay, so it's just don't talk about me while they're off.

SPEAKER_01 53:27

Okay, she's such a dirty fucking slut. But she's got fucking big, big titties. Um, hey, I hear fucking you could fit three of yours in her one. I think you don't have three though. You've only got two.

SPEAKER_09 53:40

Yeah, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:41

All right. That's cheap.

SPEAKER_09 53:43

Alright, shut up, cunts. I'm bat. Okay, alright.

SPEAKER_01 53:46

Now I'm just gonna play. Where's the microphone? You're gonna have to tell me if I'm wrong. Right there. Right there.

SPEAKER_05 53:51

Oh, yeah, you tasted it. Um sorry. All right, so I'm gonna hand you the box. It's got the lid on it, but it's over.

SPEAKER_03 54:09

Sparkle, hit, and touch.

SPEAKER_01 54:18

Alright, so Miami, Brittany's just handing you the box. If you hold out your left hand, right, you can take the lid off, Brittany. Um, take the lid off so that it'll make it a little bit tricky. Chanel, it's not Chanel in the box, alright. Um, right now put your hand in the box, right? You might need both hands for this one. Tell us what you feel.

SPEAKER_05 54:43

Tell us exactly. Now leave that alone, darling. It's not for you.

SPEAKER_01 54:48

What explain it?

SPEAKER_09 54:51

I love it. What is where's the mic? I don't know where the mic is. Yeah, right there.

SPEAKER_01 54:55

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_09 54:57

Um, is that it?

SPEAKER_01 54:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 54:59

Oh, what is this?

SPEAKER_01 55:00

I know you tell us what's it feel like?

SPEAKER_09 55:03

It's long and wet.

SPEAKER_01 55:05

So how long is it?

SPEAKER_09 55:11

I think it's about five inches. Yep, you're about right, actually. Yep. I'm measuring. It is wet.

SPEAKER_01 55:18

Wet?

SPEAKER_09 55:18

It's a bit squishy.

SPEAKER_01 55:21

You want to put it in your mouth? Smell it.

SPEAKER_09 55:24

Oh, it smells a little like I'm not sure. Put put your tongue on it. A bit salty. Oh, she's broken it. Is this a Frankfurt? Fuck yes, it is Frankfurt!

SPEAKER_01 55:43

It's a Frankfurt, she's a delicate. You can take your glass and you've leveled up. That's fucking amazing. That is spectacular. That is fantastic. Dave. Dave, do we have anything else for Brittany that you could find at short notice?

SPEAKER_02 55:59

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 56:02

I don't know. I'll have to go. Keep talking, love going floating. Yeah. So what's your explain your experience with Frankfurt? Do you need some wipes? I do.

SPEAKER_09 56:14

My hands are slimy. Um lick her fingers. It's like a toast.

SPEAKER_01 56:22

Yes. Um that is the awkwardest way I've ever seen anyone put the point on.

SPEAKER_09 56:27

Can I just say like it is so central? Like, I it now that I know it's a Frankfurt, it's like when your eyes are shut, you really like feel things more than more than you.

SPEAKER_01 56:38

Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Okay.

SPEAKER_09 56:40

No, it was good. I I I measured it from putting it from my fingertip to the base of your palm? Yeah, I did to try to get a like understanding because I'm good at doing that. Because let's face it.

SPEAKER_01 56:50

You've seen a few guys lie. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 56:53

You know, and when you show up and they say, Oh, I'm eight inches, like I like to get my my little hand ruler out and just like put it there and pop it on top of it. Pop it on top of it. See what I'm saying? Fucking liar. I'm going.

SPEAKER_01 57:05

Yeah, you're a dirty, dirty fucking liar. Dirty fucking liar. It's like, fuck you, Hall. I told him to grab something random. I don't know where he's gone. I think he's gone to the shops to buy something.

SPEAKER_09 57:17

You know, think closed. When you tell um Dave to grab something random, it's never gonna end up well. Let's face it. Let's face it. He's at the fucking spa. He's at the spa. He's fucking dry. He's on the M4. He's going to grab something fucking random.

SPEAKER_01 57:37

Coming back to the mic now. Okay, so Dave. Um, Dave, he's coming back to the mic. So Dave, sit down, put your headphones on, right? He's eating the fucking Frankfurt that Nicole was just that Miami was just manhandling. So, Dave, you're probably gonna have to put Britney's microphone up a little bit closer to her. Oh, she's under herself. There you go, that's some skills. Right. Now we're gonna handle Brittany the um the box, and again, you're probably gonna need two hands for this one. Take the lid off, Dave, so that Britney can feel without actually falling apart.

SPEAKER_06 58:12

I feel like I'm playing the piano. Yeah, I know. Hand her the box, Dave.

SPEAKER_01 58:16

Put it in her hand, you can see. All right now. Describe. Describe, go.

SPEAKER_06 58:21

It's hard. Okay. It's long. Oh, and it feels very phallic.

SPEAKER_01 58:27

Okay, yep.

SPEAKER_06 58:29

Oh, does it have a strap?

SPEAKER_01 58:31

You can take it out of the box if you wish.

SPEAKER_06 58:34

Is it purple or blue?

unknown 58:36

No.

SPEAKER_06 58:36

It's got a good like grip that I can. Can you taste it?

SPEAKER_09 58:40

No, don't taste it. Taste it. You gotta taste it.

SPEAKER_06 58:47

It smells like rubber.

SPEAKER_09 58:49

Taste it! Lick it!

SPEAKER_06 58:50

Lick it!

unknown 58:53

Lick it!

SPEAKER_08 58:54

You've got to. Oh no.

SPEAKER_06 58:58

It does taste a bit salty, but sadly it's not a um what do you call it? A frankfit.

SPEAKER_01 59:04

No, it's definitely not.

SPEAKER_06 59:05

It looks like uh sorry, it feels like it's got I don't know, two plastic end bits and this part on my right hand, maybe it's like an amount of part.

SPEAKER_01 59:16

It's the button got any buttons. Feel around the base.

SPEAKER_06 59:18

Oh, hang on. I can feel something that's doing something, but it's like a got a little knobby bit on the end, so I'm assuming it's some kind of dildo or something. Let's just hope Matt has toy cleaner. I don't know.

SPEAKER_09 59:36

Because you just licked that bad boy out.

SPEAKER_06 59:39

It's got like a bit of a veiny bit on the head there.

SPEAKER_01 59:42

Yep.

SPEAKER_06 59:42

So I'm assuming it's a dildo of some kind.

SPEAKER_01 59:45

Yeah, yeah, you can take your blindfold off now.

SPEAKER_06 59:47

Um it's black. Once you go black, you never go back, apparently.

SPEAKER_01 59:52

That's correct.

SPEAKER_09 59:53

Brittany, how do you feel now now that you've seen that and that you put your tongue on that? I'm good.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:00

Yes, I do clean my toys. I always clean my toys. So it actually is um an anal vibrator.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:06

You put that in your anus. In your anus.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:10

I have my own, but that looks like a um like a female one that you that you put that part up your bumper.

SPEAKER_09 1:00:15

No, fuck off. It does feel it. Yeah, but that's not like Britney.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:20

It feels like a prostate.

SPEAKER_09 1:00:23

Brittany. That is like it feels like a hard stone.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:27

That would like a stone.

SPEAKER_09 1:00:29

That feels like my vibrator when it's running out of batteries.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:34

It could be well running out of batteries. I haven't charged it for a little while.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:38

So is this for boys or girls?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:40

Both can use it. Whoever. Both can use it.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:41

Oh yeah, no, I can feel something turning around down the bottom of the hairy shape.

SPEAKER_09 1:00:47

Have I had one of those suction cup dildos where you sit on all the things?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:52

You've got one of those in there, too.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:53

Oh, actually, I have, and it was about this big. Did you? And I tried it once and um I took it off because I thought it was going to feel paint off the wall off somebody's house that I was living in at the time.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:04

So wow.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:07

I think you can stop it now, Dave. Oh Jesus, give it to me.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:10

He doesn't want to.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:11

Yeah, there is that, probably. There is that. It's probably gonna sit on it. There is definitely that. Alright, um, I think that's Miami's button. That I moved. That was that.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:21

When we moved helped you move, it was in the chapter. Is it blue?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:24

Can I just black how the stiff one? Yeah, that one's black. That's a black box.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:28

Can I just say I love when everyone puts their hands in my fucking hairy box?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:32

Yeah, fairy box. But that's it, fairy. Yeah, fairy box. So yeah. So I think um that's about it. So yeah. Well, you next time you can you girls can um find something in the box for Dave and I.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:49

Well, I think we're gonna have a different segment called What's Behind the Glory Hole. What's behind the glory hole? Um so yeah. You can do that.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:55

I can bring a few things. My daughter's toys. Yeah, yeah. And some of them are squishy. Yeah, yeah, very much so. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 1:02:05

Ask me a few things you can find behind the glory box.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:08

Yeah, no doubt. No doubt. You have

Final Laughs And How To Connect

SPEAKER_01 1:02:10

your husband. Can you send that? Yeah, can you send the hubbies? You fucking wish. Send both your hubbies, yeah. Dental floss. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hell yeah. Both of both, yeah, yeah. Alrighty. Um, so that's been Fully Grown Hymos with Brittany and Miami. We hope you've enjoyed. And we hope you've girls. So I've been Matt. I've been Dave as well.

SPEAKER_09 1:02:28

I'm Miami. I'm Brittany, bitch. Bye. Bye.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:32

That's a wrap from us. We've been your Fully Grown Homos, and we look forward to opening your mind, your ears, and your curiosities. Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe, and share our podcast with your curious friends. You can contact us on Fully Grown Homos Podcast at Gma.com or any of our socials Fully Grown Homer's podcast.