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Fully Grown Homos Podcast
Birthday Reset Day with Miami
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We planned a birthday treat. We accidentally built a full-blown wellness obstacle course. From a Penrith rooftop catch-up to an 8am start, we hand the whole schedule to Miami and agree to “anything”, which is brave talk until you’re staring down two reformer Pilates classes back to back.
The day turns into a proper reset: compression therapy boots that are definitely “one size fits most”, a recovery circuit with eucalyptus steam room, traditional sauna, magnesium spa, and the cold plunge ice bath that exposes who’s genuinely calm under pressure. We chat through what actually feels good, what feels like trendy torture, and the strange social theatre of wellness spaces when you’re half relaxed and fully nosey. If you’ve been curious about contrast therapy, sauna benefits, ice bath recovery, or just want a funny LGBTQ+ podcast that keeps it real, you’ll get plenty to steal for your next reset day.
Then the story swerves into pure chaos with a Thai massage booking that somehow becomes an upstairs couples room situation, complete with awkward logistics, confusion, and one of us snoring like a freight train. We finish with cocktails, snacks, and a very unfiltered throwback about Penrith spots from back in the day, because gay life is never just one vibe.
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Section A
SPEAKER_02Welcome to Folly Growing Homer for Matt and Dave, a podcast about our adventures and Fully Growing Homos navigating today's world full of inquisitive friends' questions about gay life and the unexplored activities of our life living Fully Growing Homer.
SPEAKER_01We will discuss the gay 101, sex, sexuality, and topics we don't even know yet. As we want your input onto what you want to hear. Nothing is off limit, so email us on fully grown homos podcast at gmail.com. Or message any of our socials at Fully Grown Homos Podcast.
SPEAKER_02And I've got Miami here with me. And um Miami, what have we done today?
SPEAKER_00Matt, we have celebrated my birthday with a wellness and reset day in true Miami style.
SPEAKER_02So you brought me this idea a while ago. You sat there and said, would you be interested? And I said, do whatever the fuck you want. Let's just go, let's have fun, which was scary for me to um relinquish all kind of control, complete control, and do whatever you want. What was on the agenda? Where so for context, we're now sitting on the rooftop in Penrith of Leo's of the Estina apartment, and they've got this really beautiful sort of sun deck out here by the pool, and it's like lots of people sitting around having cocktails, and the cocktails are delicious, can confirm. But we're doing that, but what did you put on the agenda for us, Miami?
SPEAKER_00Well, it was gonna start pretty simple, but once you gave me all control of the day, I went in for the kill and I thought this is fantastic. And I double-checked with you last weekend. Hey, are you okay with uh anything? And you said yeah, anything. So we started our day at 8am where you came and picked me up from my house.
SPEAKER_02Yep, and I met Aston, or not met, met your son and um and and your dog who is uncontrollable.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and your mum. Definitely. Um and then we went to Pilates. So we did a 9am Pilates class.
SPEAKER_02Yep.
SPEAKER_00And then we went into a second Pilates class.
SPEAKER_02Because you can. Why why jump one toe in when you can jump both?
SPEAKER_00We did we did normal Reforma Pilates, then we did Reforma Pilates stretch. So stretch class.
SPEAKER_02Reforma Pilates, it was actually quite cool, wasn't it? It was um it was it was lots and lots of fun. And here's the guy with your second drink. Thank you. Thank you. And um awesome, thank you. And he's stretched to the left and looks like he's got quite a nice cock, actually. Um, as he was walking up, yeah. Um so the Pilates was actually quite cool. It was um hard work, definitely. It was actual exercise again. Um like like I thought with yoga, I sat there and I went obviously by the end of the first class, I was an expert, so I was all ready to go for the second class. But first class was all around movement and widget um what do you call them, those lunges and all kinds of stuff, but on the deck, on the carriage, I think they called it.
SPEAKER_00On the reformer machine, like yeah, it's called a carriage, I think she said it was called. All that part of the machine.
SPEAKER_02I'm an expert now, so yeah. Um, but yeah, so we did that part, then we did the stretch class, which was very stretchy, very stretchy.
SPEAKER_00The stretch class.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it was good, but it was I I felt muscles stretch, definitely, definitely stretched my muscles. Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00My favorite part was where um she said the the lovely teacher who was lovely said, Alright, so put your foot we're gonna go into some uh Hammy stretches. So put your put your foot up on the deck of the machine, or if you can and you want to, you can put it on the top bar, the handlebar at the top of the machine, which is like chest high. And straight away I knew. I knew you were gonna. That's why I looked straight at you.
SPEAKER_02We went no.
SPEAKER_00And I said no, and I couldn't talk. I couldn't talk too loud because it, you know, you meant to be quiet. So I put I literally put my hand out like stop, like no.
SPEAKER_02Like a mum does with a three-year-old.
SPEAKER_00Um but he laughed at that and he tried to do it anyway.
SPEAKER_02Didn't really happen, so I sort of sort of I went up there, but I thought that's not staying up there with me upright, so I moved it back down to the bottom part instead. So yeah.
SPEAKER_00But that was really fun. We uh had some fun there, and then we went into compression therapy. Now I knew that this was gonna happen. We already had been laughing about it, but I went in and I was like, there's nowhere at the top of these compression, one size only compression boots. I don't know.
SPEAKER_02It's kind of like when you walk into a soup and they say one size fits most.
SPEAKER_00Um the boots go from your toe, tip of your toes to all the way up to your groin. Yeah, well, yeah, your groin area, top of your thigh. And I was like, they're not gonna do up at the top. I knew there was no way. I was like, I'm getting these done up like past the knee, and that's gonna be it.
SPEAKER_02Because she a thick bitch.
SPEAKER_00Um and that is what happened, but I did manage to just squeeze. I didn't manage to squeeze my legs into the uh top of it, and um as it pumped up, it just slid down more and more. So my feet were no longer in the feet gaps, and they were um getting compressed as if they were my calves.
SPEAKER_02Yep.
SPEAKER_00So I had some amazing uh marks and uh what what would you call it, Matt? Well I finished.
SPEAKER_02Some scarring, some, some s some some essentially it was like slight scarring.
SPEAKER_00But it was a good time. I talk, well, I didn't talk, I just demanded um that Matt have some wellness shop with me that had like apple cider vinegar and trimmering and which uh I've known those guys for years and they're actually really good, but it had ginseng and all that kind of stuff, so clearly now we are like you gives us off, yeah anyway.
SPEAKER_02And then we specialise in kombucha usually. Um do they?
SPEAKER_00Well then we went straight into uh a reset circuit.
SPEAKER_02But before we did that, what did we do? We may have sparred out the window to the to the um where we were sitting in the compression spirit. I can see we were looking at the people that were actually in the reset room, um, which is where we were going to go to next, and there was um hot teas there. So um Nicole did a Dave, I mean Miami did a Dave, and then she's basically got out her video because I was on too far away from the window. I don't know what's gonna be. She may have been taking snaps. She's just taking snaps.
SPEAKER_00I don't know what you're talking about. I played the fifth. Who didn't realise that we were behind the curtain and the curtain could see out and not in.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and it was um really, really good.
SPEAKER_00It was and they thought it was the corner to get changed.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, it was good. But unfortunately, none of them dropped their towel completely, um, which was really disappointing. But yeah, and then we went into the reset room. So, what's in the reset room?
SPEAKER_00The reset room. Now I was very excited for this. It is a room um and it's up to six people, so you do go in with some others if you're not a group of six. So it is a room that has a eucalyptus steam room, yep, um, a sauna, a traditional sauna where you put the water over the rocks, it has a magnesium spa, and then it has a cold ice bath or two ice baths.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and it's got a couple of little banana lounges out there as well, but yeah, you're there for an hour and a shower, as well, big rain shower.
SPEAKER_00Um and the idea is to do like a reset circuit and go from the hot into the cold, um, and yeah, it's meant to be really good for your body, so I was like, I was keen for that, and Matt was exceptionally keen when he realised that there was a fairly hot tattooed, heavily tattooed muscle guy who was quite quite nice.
SPEAKER_02Um, and then there was these two really young boys, what we're beautiful boys, lovely, lovely, lovely boys. One was definitely really, really young, but the other one looked really young, but then when he spoke, he talked like George Clooney. He had the deepest voice, and I sat down and I went, I looked at Nicole and I went, holy fuck, his balls must be low. Or his eyes got a really big dick.
SPEAKER_00We should probably not talk about little. But he would have been 18. He would have been over 18.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, definitely. When when you when you looked at him again in a different light because of his voice, somewhere between 18 and 20, I think. 20, 21, maybe somewhere. Yeah. But definitely legal, so that was okay. Um, but like he um he was quite a good looking boy as well. So um yes, and then there was another young lady in there, and she was like said something about having like a 30-year-old kid or something.
SPEAKER_00No, 30?
SPEAKER_02I don't know.
SPEAKER_00She had a 16-year-old kid.
SPEAKER_0216-year-old, that's right. And we sat down and we said, like, you don't look old enough to have a 16-year-old.
SPEAKER_00No, and she did it, she looked fantastic. She looked amazing, but then we found out that she had like she has six kids, so I told her to get out, get out of the sauna.
SPEAKER_02Go get out.
SPEAKER_00Like, how are you gonna tell me you have six kids and look like that?
SPEAKER_02Thank you. Um our um snacks have just arrived, so yeah. Um beautiful. Um that was fun.
SPEAKER_00So um we we did it all, we did two cold plunges. We did it, we pretty much did the circuit twice.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So we did the steam room twice, the sauna twice, the magnesium spa twice, and well Matt like dipped his toe into the cold plunge.
SPEAKER_02Fully went into the cold plunge. I don't care what you say, I was there for 30 seconds. So the first time in the cold plunge, I was there for all of about five seconds, if lucky if lucky. Because I got him and it was fucking cold. The ice bath. Sorry, yeah. Yeah, whenever it was cold.
SPEAKER_00These look good.
SPEAKER_02I know they look yum, don't I? Um it was super cold. Um it's alright. Um and it was fucking freezing, and I only lasted in there for such a such a short time. It was unbelievable because it was cold. I've heard your voice.
SPEAKER_00I heard your voice lasts for a short time.
SPEAKER_02I last fairly long, especially on the second and third round. Um, but yeah.
SPEAKER_00Not what I heard. But on the second round, it was really amazing.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02On the second round I lasted longer. Bum.
SPEAKER_00Who was who was the queen of the certain?
SPEAKER_02She lasted five minutes in the bloody cold plunge.
SPEAKER_00I could have kept going too, but I just didn't want to show off any any further. Especially when that other guy was getting out after two minutes saying he's gonna pass out. Yeah. I thought, oh god.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but yeah, so it was it was full on. But we're just gonna pause this for now. Alrighty, so where were we?
SPEAKER_00We were talking about the reset circuit and the ice baths.
SPEAKER_02And and how you were the expert in the ice bath. That's correct.
SPEAKER_00That's right, because I'm the ice queen.
SPEAKER_02Ice queen.
SPEAKER_00So I was like five minutes, I think.
SPEAKER_02We did five minutes in there, which is pretty cool. And then there was the guy who was actually like he was gonna pass out after two minutes.
SPEAKER_00I'm like, calm down, bruv.
SPEAKER_02But he was the one telling us that he'd actually done, he used to do ten minutes in there as well.
SPEAKER_00And here is me just swimming around, treating it like a spa bath, as Matt said.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, that's what Satan said. I'm over there just chilling in the magnesium spa, and Miami's chilling in the ice bath with ice in her veins. Um, but yeah, and then so we did reset, that was really good, really relaxing, um, really chill.
SPEAKER_00I think we snuck out for a cheeky cocktail between compression and reset.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Because we thought that the hot guys were out here, but they were not. We were we were fooled.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It doesn't matter, I got a long L and I see, so win-win.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, win win. Um and um then we went to the massage.
SPEAKER_00So here's where the story gets interesting. So I booked and I went in and booked. Like I didn't want any confusion on anything, so I actually drove to this Thai massage place after work to go in and book and talk to the owner.
SPEAKER_02For those that are waiting for it to get spicy, it doesn't get spicy per se. So, but it does get fun.
SPEAKER_00Or funny. So I went in and I actually booked with the owner and I said, like me and my friend, it's a birthday thing, blah blah blah blah. I want to have like a one-hour massage and a half an hour foot massage on the chairs, the reclining chairs, because I love foot massages on the reclining chairs while I'm sitting. And I said to Matt, I'm bringing my noise-cancelling earphones, I don't want to hear from you.
SPEAKER_02I just want to fucking talk to me.
SPEAKER_00I'm like, I just want to put my earphones on and sit there. Yeah, pretty much. So that's what I thought was happening, and that was fantastic. So we went over there, Matt, and um and you explained to them again.
SPEAKER_02We've got this, because we said we've got to do do we're doing this, we're doing the 30-minute foot massage down here on the chairs, and then we're doing 60 minutes upstairs, like for the rest of the massage. And she went, ha ha, okay, okay, and smiled and nodded.
SPEAKER_00And we waited a little bit because we were a little bit early, which is fine. That's alright. Um, and if you know anything about Penreth, you generally stay away from the massage parlours that are upstairs on the page.
SPEAKER_02I've heard our previous episodes, you know that you don't go to any massage place that's upstairs. No. Because you go onto a brothel. But they came to us and they said.
SPEAKER_00Now I've been here, hang on, I'd been here before, I didn't realise I I've just it's always ground level. I I haven't got a full-body massage there. I normally go there for foot reflexology, but it's always been like okay.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but they said to us, upstairs! And I was about like upstairs. Oh fuck.
SPEAKER_00I was talking about like, holy shit, what have I done? Oh god, what have I got to say? And by this time, like Cash is already handed over, like we're getting whatever we're getting.
SPEAKER_02Whatever we're getting is another pigment. Here goes. This is gonna be another one of those ones where I get told you're very handsome, me love you, um, would you like jerky massages? Right.
SPEAKER_00But first of all, like just getting up the stairs after Tupilates classes, like let's just talk about that for a second. And the stairs were like they're like from 1970, so they're creepy.
SPEAKER_02They were big stairs, and there were lots of them by the sound of it, by the feel of it.
SPEAKER_00And I was going slow because I really had no idea where I was going. I was like just felt like I was going into the depths of I I I don't know, I had no idea.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it looked seedy. But we got upstairs, yeah, and she opened the door, and there was a special couple. I'm thinking, where's my bed? Where's my room? But no, we were both in the same room.
SPEAKER_00And it was like a bedroom that was made into a couple's room. You know how some massage places they like have the curtain between. Yeah, but like when you get a couple's massage, it's like they can close the curtains between and they sort of just open it and make no, this was like a bedroom with a door.
SPEAKER_02So Miami's gone, you're gonna need to turn around while I get my own.
SPEAKER_00I just turned around and looked at him like, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_02I said that's fine.
SPEAKER_00But anyway, they went off and we shut the door, and I think we were standing there for 10 minutes just laughing. Because I'm like, I told them we're just I like I tried to make so anyway, so we're upstairs in this city bedroom in High Street.
SPEAKER_02I was then thinking, now she's definitely not gonna try any happy endings, at least. So at least I'm safe. At least I'm safe in the in that she will not try and fucking jerk me off in front of my would she thought of friendship, but look, Miami's explained that we were friends, but she clearly didn't understand a word she said, so she thought you could be my wife.
SPEAKER_00No, they didn't understand anything.
SPEAKER_02So, so yeah, we're so we're in the couple's room. Um I get to my undies and lay your face on the pet so that my.
SPEAKER_00So I made Matt, I said, Matt, you need to get changed first.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And lie down so then I can like, because you know, I take my bra off and do all that and lie on the bed and my movies were popping out off the side of the table as it was.
SPEAKER_02I heard a thud a couple of times on the side of the floor.
SPEAKER_00They do not fall anywhere.
SPEAKER_02But I did hear the um table snap.
SPEAKER_00So we lied there. We lied there and we'll we were just live, like we were just giggling like we couldn't believe it in this bedroom of some apartment at the top of High Street.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. And um And it was it was nice though, like especially downstairs was really nice. The water feature was lovely and like.
SPEAKER_00I love getting my my footbright flexology there.
SPEAKER_02That's why I thought it was like Yeah, and I'd definitely go there for that again. I'd go there again because they were actually good.
SPEAKER_00You did like you had a good massage, but they didn't understand what I what I wanted, so I I re-ir uh irritated what's that word? Is that it?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I get it.
SPEAKER_00So I did that um when we got up there to say like hour here, half an hour downstairs on the chairs, like because when you go to a massage place, they normally do the foot thing first, then usher you upstairs.
SPEAKER_02So by this stage I'm thinking, hmm, you know we're doing the whole 90 minutes here, but I'm not gonna get a lot of things.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and that's what she told me yes, but like it was, yeah, no, that we we did we did not get the massage that we asked for, but Matt had a really good massage. Mine was mine was okay, but she did get confused by what I meant, so she did spend 30 minutes just rubbing my feet at the end of the day. Not quite what I wanted, but it was good, but it was but the massage itself was really good.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. Thank you, thank you. Yeah, the the massage was great. Um and um it w it was like it was an experience to say the least. It was. Um yeah, they finished the massage. It was like my tea, did all the nausea.
SPEAKER_00What can we just talk about for a second? I was lying there going, which one of us is gonna lose our shit first?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00Which one of us is gonna crack?
SPEAKER_02Because it was a couple's room, so there was two of us, which meant there was two of them. They were talking. I think they thought that they were on their lunch break um because there was finally two of them in the room together so they could talk to each other.
SPEAKER_00They honestly would have spoken for like ten minutes of the 90 minutes, I reckon.
SPEAKER_02Easy, like and it was just like they spoke in Thai the whole time. If they had spoken in English, I could have joined in.
SPEAKER_00And I was like huffing and puffing on the table to try and like let her know I was not happy.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. And I'm sitting there rolling my eyes in my head thinking, shit, this bitch better say something in a minute because I know she's feeling the same way I am. Because shut the fuck up. And she was thinking exactly the same about me. She's sitting on this dickhead better say something in a minute because I will, and I won't be so nice. Um, so yeah, but but look, I think they either stopped or I fell asleep. What are those things happening?
SPEAKER_00Well, they stopped and then you fell asleep, and I was having like I was trying to have a really relaxing massage and it was nice. But I don't know. Either though I was upstairs of some CD bedroom in High Street, it was a nice massage in a couple's room with uh someone who is not my partner. Um snores like a grizzly bear. Everything out on show. She's pulled my undies up into a G string at this stage, massaging my legs. But then the freight train started. And I thought, hang on a second, we are not that close to the train lines, like are we? And it was Matt. It was Matt. He was he literally snor snored for like 45 minutes. Yeah, to the point where it just became background noise. Like it was just background noise, like you if it wasn't there, it would have been weird sort of thing.
SPEAKER_02See that's what I mean. So it was part of the ambiance, definitely part of the ambiance. Um so yeah, but that it was great though, it was really good. And then we came back over here to the Asina apartments, and um, we're now up on called Theo's having another cocktail, and we had some some tappas, we had some really nice arancini balls, they were beautiful. Wham skewers.
SPEAKER_00Can confirm.
SPEAKER_02Truffle fries were delicious. But yeah, so it's been an awesome day, it's been a relaxing day.
SPEAKER_00So I'm gonna go into my last year of my 30s, refreshed, and all well, reset, and ready to go.
SPEAKER_02Oh, but we oh sorry, before we came back up here, we went down.
SPEAKER_00Oh yes. And we walked into like we were so we were in at like the Dodges, one of the Dodges car parks that Matt used to frequent now that he's told me.
SPEAKER_02I used to frequent this car park back in the day and um get for the public toilets. For the public toilets. We used to get bee jays basically and give bee jays and stuff like that in there and hand drivers and all that kind of stuff. Um Judges Car Park in Penrith, if you're familiar with Penrith therapy. But again, you wouldn't go in there now because it's a bit scary. Um and there's no glory holes in the wall because they're made of fucking steel now. Um was there glory holes? Yeah, there was glory holes. Oh wow, there was everything, yeah. It was so good back in the day.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_02But yeah, but um but now not so much. Um and yeah, it was fun. But we went in there and we got overwhelmed by this.
SPEAKER_00Someone was having the biggest chuf of their life. Yeah, someone was smoking. This is an open car park, and I like walk and I was like, I had to put my top over my nose because I was like, I'm gonna get high.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and Miami was talking about saging us. I said, You don't need to sage us because we've um basically been saged, we feel a bit chill now. Um if we didn't feel chill before, we'd have a couple of cones and we didn't even pay for them.
SPEAKER_00It was like no wonder we were so quick to strip off in the car park. We were stage makes sense. Makes sense.
SPEAKER_02We would have fucking run through that car park.
SPEAKER_00Um so we did have clothes packed to obviously get changed to come up here to the cocktails. So we don't look like a complete, well, I don't look like a complete mess, only half a mess. Matt looks handsome, like normal, with his stylish little fashion and stuff. And we were gonna go and get changed in the toilets. But from here we decided not to, so um we got changed in the car park. Like two white trash that we have? I had to take a dress off and put a dress on, so at one point I was completely in my undies. Like there was no oh slip this over and pull your pants down underneath.
SPEAKER_02And it's not like she hasn't been there before.
SPEAKER_00Not a car park. Oh hang on.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you would have. Oh yeah, probably. You were a whore.
SPEAKER_00But that was a bit funny. Um and I got twisted up in my dress and started to panic for a second that people are gonna walk past and I am here twisted in a dress with my everything out.
SPEAKER_02But yeah, but we did well. We did we had a great day, um, great food, great company.
SPEAKER_00Gonna sleep well.
SPEAKER_02Definitely gonna sleep well. Um, undeniably, I will definitely sleep so well and snore in my own bed, and my girls don't complain about my maybe that's why Chanel sleeps in the crate. Um, but yeah. Well, I would too. Um but yeah, so thank you for a wonderful day out, Miami. Thank you for a wonderful day out, awesome fun, and um yeah, and everyone else will talk to you soon. Bye.
SPEAKER_00Bye.
SPEAKER_02That's a wrap from us. We've been your fully grown homos, and we look forward to opening your mind, your ears, and your curiosities. Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe and share our podcast with your curious friends. You can contact us at fully grown homo's podcast at gmail.com or any of our socials by the same name, Fully Grown Homos Podcast.