Fully Grown Homos Podcast
Fully Grown Homos Podcast
Who are we hiding from- Masks We Wear
What masks do you wear without even realising it? This episode takes inspiration from Rob Goddard's book "Behind the Smile" as we explore the facades we've created throughout our lives to navigate the world as gay men.
Dave opens up about his "mask of control" – a safety mechanism developed from growing up in rough neighborhoods that now manifests as a need to maintain control in various situations. This protective strategy serves him well but becomes problematic when circumstances fall outside his influence. Meanwhile, I share my "mask of suppression" formed during years in the military when being gay was illegal, and how that suppression became so ingrained that traces remain even in today's more accepting environment.
We both acknowledge the contradictions in our personalities – claiming we don't care what others think while simultaneously seeking validation and approval, particularly in professional settings. The conversation takes a vulnerable turn when discussing the "mask of shame" that comes from past relationships and decisions, including my feelings about my previous marriage before fully accepting my sexuality.
The episode isn't all serious introspection though! We introduce a hilarious new segment on pet peeves that has us ranting about everything from people who don't wear deodorant on public transport to drivers who fail to acknowledge when you let them merge in traffic. Dave's passionate hatred for noisy car exhausts reveals his "cranky old man" persona in full force.
Whether you're examining your own masked behaviors or just looking for some authentic conversation with plenty of laughs, this episode offers both profound insights and entertaining banter. Share your own masks or pet peeves with us at fullygrownhomospodcast@gmail.com or through our socials – we'd love to hear what makes you tick (or what gives you the ick)!
If you want to send us a question or would like our thoughts on a particular topic you can contact us at Fullygrownhomospodcast@gmail.com or contact us on any of our socials at Fully Grown Homos Podcast.
Welcome to Fully Grown Homos, a podcast about our adventures as fully grown homos navigating today's world full of inquisitive friends, questions about gay life and the unexplored activities of a life lived as fully grown homos.
Speaker 2:We'll discuss the gay 101s, sex sexuality and topics we don't even know yet, as we want your input into what you want to hear. Nothing is off limits, so email us on the Fully Grown Homos podcast at gmailcom or message any of our socials.
Speaker 1:Fully Grown Homos with Dave and Matt On this week's episode. We're going to chat about some stuff About stuff and things. And're going to chat about some stuff About stuff and things, and lots of things, Things and stuff. But before we jump into that, what's your week been doing, Dave? How's your week been? My week's?
Speaker 2:been cleaning your house. Man, I'm moving your house it has.
Speaker 1:It has Dave's been so ridiculously helpful. I cannot repay him. Ever in as many lifetimes as we have. It's just um, yeah, like the gratitude I feel is just crazy. Um, he's moved pretty much my whole house while I've been at work and um been cleaned my whole house while I've been at work and didn't really have to do anything as far as cleaning my old place, because Dave's pretty much done all of it and all I had to do was go and re-clean a couple of windows on the mirror wardrobes just because I was licking them too much, because he came all over them, no, because he just didn't have the right tools to do the job. So I went over with some window wipes and did that, and the whole place was spotless, and now you got rid of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and now I've got the keys back today and then I've just realised that the real estate asked me did I have a remote control garage door key thing? And I didn't think I did. But when I was cleaning through all my shit and emptying some of my boxes, I realised that the brand garage door what I was looking at today was the same remote that I have here. So I do have to send it back over to them as well, no worries. Yeah, it's on my desk, but it doesn't work.
Speaker 1:The garage door never fucking has worked, but at least that way they've got their remote, because it will be on the key register. Yeah, that's right. So we do have to do that, I do have to do that, but, um, but yeah. So what else have you been doing this week? You're talking.
Speaker 2:A bit of painting at your house. Yeah, I've been waiting to get the thing. The weather's been a bit shit, hasn't it you?
Speaker 1:know yep cold yeah.
Speaker 2:So you know, for me you've just done bits and pieces in the house, cleaned up a little bit of mess that was in there, trying to make it a bit more navigatable because there's so much fucking paint and stuff boxes still everywhere and just trying to set rooms up, as you know. Yeah, but it's getting there. And today I did a little bit about outdoor painting, which is good. I liked it. I mean, when I'm in the mood and I'm in the zone, I'm happy doing it, yeah. But when I'm there for hours and hours and hours and it's just repetitive and repetitive and you're like fucking hell, this is doing my head and I don't want to do this anymore well, I would not be good at it, because I just don't do painting.
Speaker 1:It's just not something I do.
Speaker 2:I'm not, oh, look, I mean, it can be they, it can be therapeutic, but for me, the the grace of it all, the saving grace, was listening to our songs that we've been creating oh yeah, we've been on a journey, okay.
Speaker 1:Our songs we've been creating. Okay, if we go on a ratio of like 20 to 1, then we can call it ours.
Speaker 2:I guess Dave has a little bit more time up his sleeve, like when I wake up at 2 o'clock in the morning and I'm like trying to get out of sleep.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so he creates some AI songs on Suno. He does a lot of the words and stuff like that and a lot of the prompts are his, and then he sits there and fine tunes them a bit and that. So they are actually our songs and we're going to try and put a lot more out there but this I mean I tend to but we've got, we've already got a few out so they cover every aspect.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah well, yeah, there's already a few that we've released already by the beach boys last week, by the passing of um the last beach boy. Yeah, no, it wasn't the last one.
Speaker 1:No, he wasn't the Last Beach Boy. Well, he was the Last One, wasn't he? No, he wasn't the Last One.
Speaker 2:A couple of some are live, but he was the main one. I must be thinking Bee Gees yeah.
Speaker 1:Bee Gees so confused.
Speaker 2:You get confused easily.
Speaker 1:Yeah, comment that one. Yeah so for me.
Speaker 2:I was inspired by that. It came out quite. It sounded very similar to them, didn't it you?
Speaker 1:said to me it was like wow, yeah, but we do have some songs that we already previously released on Spotify. On iTunes, if you just type in Fully Grown Homos, you'll actually find our music that we've created.
Speaker 2:And we'll be putting a lot more on there, because we've got like 1,000 songs.
Speaker 1:After today's podcast, we're going to sit there and we're going to go through and create some lists and publish.
Speaker 2:There's some funky ones on there, isn't there?
Speaker 1:And some download and actually upload some more, because I've got the license. So I might as well fucking use it Absolutely and pump the world full of our creations, yeah, like we do in the saunas, yeah.
Speaker 2:Or should I say church.
Speaker 1:Well, not last week, we didn't't, but hey, we already talked about that on the last episode that I'm yet to upload. I'll do that today as well, hopefully, hopefully, um, otherwise I can show dave how I edit.
Speaker 2:Um, you can show me, you can actually show me your laptop and show me how to do the other bits and pieces. I can show you how to do.
Speaker 1:It'll be a learning curve for me dave's gonna have dave's gonna have a school day. I am, am, but yeah so yeah, so moved in set up I'd say 70%. So far You've done well, you've done very well.
Speaker 2:You've done well, but you've done more unpacking.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've done more unpacking but 70% there. Like, we've now got the podcast room kind of set for the most part. There's still a little bit of work to do before we have some friends over to um to jump in on this podcast um, and we're almost ready. We've got another podcaster, that's he's due to have. He's actually released any minute now if he hasn't already. I've been shit because I've been so busy. Yeah, well, we have been busy yeah even with work as well.
Speaker 1:Yep, um. So, danny boy, I'm not sure whether we've actually got dropped his first episode yet or not, but he's another guy that we want to jump on.
Speaker 2:We'll touch base with him, we'll send him an email or a message. Yeah, a chat, instagram chat, just to see what's going on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because I want to jump on his show as well, and vice versa as well, because he sounds like a fun character and does some fun stuff, and he's given us a couple of ideas for us to do on ours that we're going to do later in this episode as well. Pet Peeves just a little teaser there. We've got some Boy, do we have some Many? But for the crux, for the majority of today's episode, we spoke to you last week about how we went and seen, went to a book signing by rob goddard um, behind the smile, his recent book that he's actually downloaded, yep, um. So for we, neither of us have read it yet, not yet, but we've looked into.
Speaker 2:We browsed over. I've looked through parts of it, but not I don't read and I'm waiting for the audiobook.
Speaker 1:We know that, but we have actually looked at the title page and I guess and it's given us some inspiration, hasn't it?
Speaker 2:for today's podcast, yeah, given us a bit of bit of something to look at so the book itself is called behind the smile and it talks about the masks that we wear as a self journey that rob has written about his home life and his own mask that he wore. Yeah, but looking at the content and the the narrative of it all, we've decided that we'll do today's podcast based on other masks that we have. Yeah, um, very similar to what rob has done, but we all have masks, every single person, you know, I mean we definitely do and I think hysterical.
Speaker 1:What's that? Um guess? Who just posted in our house group? Oh okay, literally within seconds of us jumping was it britney?
Speaker 1:yep, it certainly was um no, no, I'm not, I'm not doing now, um, but um, before we jump into what we're talking about for the most part, I want to, just because I you told me about this website that rob actually owns and runs, so it's called lifting stones and it's it's a mindset coaching website that he actually runs and it's basically what he does for a living right, um, and there's some phenomenal content on here, so, like it, like I went just to have a quick look at it and stuff like that, and and I went to some of the courses and things like that that he actually offers now and to the library and that and that, and he does things on here and I think it's ridiculously well priced as well so some of the resources that he's actually created on here, like the um unlocking resilience.
Speaker 1:So a lot of it's meant a guide for men navigating life's challenges in their prime right. Um, that's 10 bucks, I know it's it's really accessible.
Speaker 2:But I just think that rob as a person is so genuine. He's such a very well-rounded person. He's been through a lot in his life and you know the book will explain all that to you know, if people get a chance to read it, which I suggest.
Speaker 1:Apart from that, I just think the pricing, because you do, look, I love self-help, yep Right. I like all that guru stuff and I go through stages where I'm really, really into it and then stages where I'm not so into it and that. But like the five steps of navigating grief right, which is a whole series that he's got, like that you can actually download and listen and watch, and all that kind of stuff, but it's $5. I know, right, what can you get for $5? You can't even get a coffee. You can't, no, exactly.
Speaker 2:So this is like life-changing for people.
Speaker 1:So this is stuff that actually is really good. So head over to his website, liftingstonescomau. He also does like a series of personal coaching in that as well. He mainly does it for men, um, but I'm sure if you're a female he would knock you back as a client he had people at the book signing that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he did have females there and they have done his courses, so I know that he does put out there for everybody yeah, correct, but he obviously, being a gay guy, he puts himself out there towards men's mental health because he can adapt more to that. You know what I mean? Yeah, correct, but in retrospect it's for everybody, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but he's kind of awesome, he is definitely, so he's really awesome. Definitely support him in terms of like looking at Biden's book or rolling in the courses because I can't well, it's not even about supporting him, it's about following yourself on on his social media, on instagram, facebook.
Speaker 2:He's on all of those as well, yeah, but he's so engaging, but he does have that, that presence that you feel very calm and very um, we're fans we know that. Definitely fan girls, definitely fan girls. I got a fan badge.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you do, I follow him dave's been following him for years, but yeah, so today, like I said, the main part of this is going to basically be inspired by. We're not going to take his masks and sort of sell them off as our own.
Speaker 2:No, we've just sort of had a look at some of his.
Speaker 1:This is just an inspiration, and we wondered what mask do we wear frequently? And so, I guess, in the state of being very vulnerable and transparent, we always give ourself. Yep, well, we'll discuss that, actually, but we do give ourselves a lot of ourselves, um, but we do give ourselves a lot of ourselves. Um, so, for myself, like what? I? The mask of control. Um, now, I always need to be in control. I need to feel secure, right. So, whether it's with if, if, it's little things like me having to drive somewhere right now, people will often say I'll drive and I'll go. No, no, it's okay, I'll drive and it's a way of me keeping control of myself and my situation. Yeah, um, it's a way of me being secure and it's enabling me to feel secure in the situation where I am but it's not a threatening control.
Speaker 2:It's not controlling other people.
Speaker 1:No, it's about me maintaining control of me and my surroundings for me, because, again, wanting to stay safe, wanting to make sure that I guess I feel protected, because I guess when it's come from, look, I haven't always felt safe. So I think, especially as a younger guy growing up, and especially growing up in Mount Druitt, like the rough part of where I was definitely didn't feel safe. Right now, I think having, if I was to go to a psychologist, fuck, they've got some work, or a psychiatrist fuck, they've got some work to do. But I think being in control pretty much at all times and if there is a time when I'm not in control, I don't deal well.
Speaker 2:No, I've seen that. You've seen it yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't deal well, like there's a few people've seen that, you've seen it. Yeah, I don't deal with like there's a few people, very few people that have seen it, because I try very hard to make sure I'm never in those situations. Um, so, yeah, I think the mask of control for me is a big one that I wear and that, but but with masks I guess they can come and go.
Speaker 1:You can take them off and put them back on again, but they serve you they potentially serve you and and they are my safety, like I, I use especially the control one as a safety mechanism for me. Yeah, um, like I'm not going to drop that control at any time soon. No, and I don't need to. I'm aware it's there, right, yeah?
Speaker 2:I know you are, you know I, I can tell when you're stressing about things and the control mask comes back up again yeah, yeah, but that's fine but I've learned to accept that myself because at the end of the day, I know it's part of who you are. Yeah, correct, and that's important, because at the end of the day, it's just who you are. Yeah but it gives you that protection you need? Yeah, and in situations.
Speaker 1:Certain situations it goes right up and there's like impenetrable, right, but other situations it's sort of okay, I'm a bit more free with this, this, this, this and this and I guess it depends on the who's around, the trust level that I have for the people that are with me. Yeah, um, and for the thing is, it's not like you don't you?
Speaker 2:you don't? You're not scared about people, other people taking control or taking charge of certain things. It's the fact that when you feel threatened or you feel vulnerable, that's when your control levels are increased and your mask comes back on to play. You know? So, um, you know, I get it. You know, I totally understand. I mean, like, if you go into doing something that you're not familiar with, then obviously you're not going to be able to have control because it's something that you haven't got. That point, but you'll come back and you'll start stressing about it.
Speaker 1:No, I take tiny steps until I can get control.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or usually I don't take tiny steps, I take huge steps and maybe this is why your persona of like I'm perfect not perfect, but you know I'm right always comes from maybe Only because I'm always correct, but you're not always. I am not, but that is down to control. Again, you know what I mean. Control, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely, definitely. But we have a laugh about that because it's not like you're not that sort of person.
Speaker 2:No, I don't need to always be correct God knows that would be funny, but it's just a fun thing.
Speaker 1:You say yeah, I'm always right, though, Until I'm proven that I'm not, and that's usually in an intellectual status, but then you still try and prove the way that you are. Yeah, yeah, I try and prove that you were wrong instead of me being right, because that automatically makes me right. Or two hours later you'll come out and say you see, I told you I was right. Yeah, I told you I was right. I told you I was correct, but yeah there was one time.
Speaker 1:I wasn't right, I wasn't correct and I was incorrect about that time.
Speaker 2:But yeah. So what have you got down as your first one? My first one I've got down is the mask of suppression. Now, I have that down to the fact that my early life, so you've worn this for a long time. I've worn it for a long time, but I don't wear it so much now. Suppression is not necessary. No, I don't. I mean I can have moments, situations, yeah, situations. System no, I don't. I mean I I can have moments, situations, yeah, situations. But suppression for me came from concealing myself as a young person because I didn't feel comfortable with myself. I suppose. Well, I think, all gay men yeah, exactly, well, anybody you don't have to be gay to have suppression.
Speaker 2:You can be suppressed in other ways, such as you know, you can be forced by your parents to do something you don't want to do, yeah, such as learn a musical instrument or become a professional, something that you don't want to do, but you're living through their eyes, if that makes sense. Yeah, so that's a form of suppression, but for me, the suppressions, I think, came not because I was suppressed for my family, my mom and dad, or my family, it was just society that put a lot of pressure on me to become inwards, on myself, to live a life that conformed to what they wanted, if that makes sense, yep, yep. And that went through all the way through my teenage years, all the way through to my adulthood, where I was in the military. And again it became even more compounded when I was in the military because it was so against the law, it was so illegal to be gay or have thoughts or anything like that, and I saw people being thrown out and go to jail for it. You know, I mean, and it was just so morally wrong. So you know, my, my guard was up there. Look at, I had choices. I didn't have to join the military. But again, it was a career path that I wanted to go down. So I don't regret doing that.
Speaker 2:But again, wearing that mask of suppression for me was part of who I became. And it wasn't until I came out, until I came out as a gay man to myself properly and then came out to my family members, that that mask of suppression sort of like slipped down a little bit. It's still there because, like I've told you before, I haven't told everybody and I don't need to tell everybody and this is where what you're probably saying is, when it comes back into play, is when I feel a little bit threatened by people around me that I don't necessarily want to tell because I don't want to go through the whole path of opening up and, you know, having to justify who I am to anybody, um, anymore, if that makes sense it's like coming out, again, coming out again, coming again, coming again.
Speaker 1:I don't need to do that and we had this conversation earlier today about coming out repeatedly and I think we've spoken about it a number of times on different podcasts, different sessions how we have to come out continuously. Yep, right, um, and I guess people from your past life that you do see after maybe 10, 20 years, yeah, and that's when your postures come out.
Speaker 2:Well, this is where you saw this come out recently, because I had a friend from the UK that was over here for six months and I caught up with him a couple of times prior to him going back Very good friend of mine. Again, he's not homophobic, he's not anyone that will judge anybody. He's a very decent person. But I was just. I didn't know if he knew because I've never told him, but I'm sure that he might know from other people that know. If that makes sense, yeah, because I found out that a lot of people have found out about me through talking, talking, talking and gossip exactly, which is fine because at the end of the day, it saves me having to do it, you know that makes sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I'm not scared or frightened or or embarrassed by anything, but what I'm saying is if they know, that's fine, they don't need to bring it up in front of me. Or if they ask me, I won't deny it. But I don't need to say oh, by the way, matt or Mark or whoever it might be.
Speaker 1:I'm a gay man. Okay, you're Dave, right, and you just happen to be gay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, and that's what I'm saying. It's not.
Speaker 1:I'm gay and, by the way, I happen to be Dave.
Speaker 2:But, as we know, we don't go out there and publicize our sexuality because we don't need to, because we just who we are.
Speaker 1:But this is the thing. It's not my. If people were to say, can you list matt's five personality traits, and then I'd have put gay up the top of the list, I'd be kind of offended me too. Yeah right, because I'd like to think that. It is like I'd like to think that if they're loving yeah compassionate um can't um caring, loving, yeah, compassionate, um yeah, can't um womanizer, no, yeah, even though women do love you. Crotch watcher, um yeah, women love you crotch watcher. Though I better, I better be fucking people pleaser, people pleaser oh, fuck off, I am not.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I am um.
Speaker 2:But you know, it's just one of those things. So for me, the act of suppression um yeah, and I guess there is suppression again.
Speaker 1:Suppression is similar to that control thing where it's um keeping yourself safe yeah as well, I guess, in situations because, again, I'm, I'm, and I guess one of the other ones I spoke about was um, masculinity, the mask of masculinity that I constantly wear in certain situations, like if we're in a new environment where I don't know anyone, and things like that I'm not comfortable in everything, like I'm not giving my whole self at that point in time. Right, I'm not about to sit there and start talking about drag race, which I find extremely entertaining and fun, right, and we'll talk to everyone about um, but I'm not about to drop that in the local pub yeah right, we're going to go down for dinner to the pub tonight.
Speaker 1:I'm not about to sit there and chat with a bar mate about a drag race, no, and who's, unless they bring it up and obviously start, but it's just not what I'm going to do.
Speaker 2:So I think is that it's um, but even as we've discussed earlier today as well, it's about feeling inwardly on yourself because you can't express yourself, because you know, like I know, it's normal and legal for people to go and hold hands and show emotion and stuff like that. Yeah but, we're not that sort of people I'm not a pda kind of guy. No, we don't need to do that. I mean in public, in private is different, you know.
Speaker 1:I mean, yeah, public, you don't need to have public we hug other people we yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll hug and I'll squeeze and I'll especially I like all the boys, like I'll get. I'll give them a cheeky ass squeeze as.
Speaker 2:But we don't need to go walking up the street holding hands kissing.
Speaker 1:But I'm not the kind of guy and never will be. Never have been the kind of guy to want to hold my partner's hand walking down the street to show everyone how much I love them. Yeah, it's just oh. Oh, we're going to talk about icks and that later, and that is definitely one of mine. I fucking hate it. I'd hate people anyway. Affection it's disgusting, but it's gross. Love is filthy.
Speaker 2:Love makes me vomit but you went to see him in the bedroom.
Speaker 1:Then he's wild that's a different story. That's not love, that's called lust. Is that right? Yeah, you should know, you've been on the receiving end.
Speaker 2:Many times, yeah, many times. It's very true.
Speaker 1:True, and the receiving end as well. Yeah, but yeah.
Speaker 2:See, I've got another one here. Again, it relates to the same thing a mask of acceptance. Again. I mean, you know, we talk about accepting each other, accepting what we do and what we believe is right. So I guess self-acceptance, self-acceptance is a big one, yeah, yeah, definitely. I mean, I think, once you've, once you've learned to master the art of self self-acceptance yeah, have you not really?
Speaker 1:you know this is the thing, isn't it? Because otherwise right and I guess um acceptance slash approval is similar, all right. In in a similar vein Yep, and one of mine is the mask of approval, yep, and it's sort of similar and it's like we both say I don't give a fuck what people think about me.
Speaker 2:Oh, we don't genuinely and I genuinely don't care.
Speaker 1:What somebody thinks of me is not my business. Exactly what somebody says about me, I don't care less.
Speaker 2:And we've had that.
Speaker 1:However, I still do seek approval in certain situations.
Speaker 2:I get, I get offended in myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which is really pisses myself off. Yeah, more than else, and don't ask me how we get past it well, I think I have the same nature.
Speaker 2:Well thing is, I have the same emotions as what you do. I, I, I dwell on it, thinking you know why do people have to bring this up? Or why do people have to judge me?
Speaker 1:But if I take it just to my work, for example, right now, without going into the details of where I work, those that know know, but I started in a new place recently, right, and there were certain things that weren't meeting my boss's criteria, as in your boss, my boss, Right?
Speaker 2:yeah because you are a boss.
Speaker 1:And I'm the boss in my store, but then I've got a boss, and then he's got a boss, and he's got a boss, and so on and so forth. That's how the chain works.
Speaker 1:Hierarchy works, but they weren't meeting his criteria, they definitely weren't meeting mine. But In order to make sure that when he came in the next visit, which happened like two weeks after the first visit, there were certain things that I wanted to do to make sure that that visit, that second visit, was one that would blow his mind and blow him out of the water. Now, it was for a number of reasons. It was, yes, because I thought if that second visit is spectacular and he can see that I'm making headway and I've done a lot, you can relax a bit more, I can breathe a bit. Right, he's going to say, oh, he hasn't done nothing in two weeks. Right, he's actually done some actions. But it was also really to get his approval like also, you need to get it done well, well, okay, and for again.
Speaker 1:I recently took a stint out of my role into a new role where I didn't achieve anything and I felt like a failure yeah, and again that's time to accept. I felt like a failure because there were things I was doing that I just couldn't do right. So by getting this done to the standard that it got done and by getting him to come in and go, this is better than I expected. This is amazing. You've done sensational here right.
Speaker 1:It was kind of like ah, I got approval from my dad almost which we all crave.
Speaker 2:You have to suffer whole in life Suffer approval. Ah, I got approval from my dad almost, which we all crave our whole life Self-approval, yeah.
Speaker 1:So that sort of reaffirmed who you are it? Reaffirmed that I'm good at what I do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, all right.
Speaker 1:Because I knew I was. But it was really good to feel like there was some justification in me thinking this is what it should be.
Speaker 2:And that's the same thing when you get praise. I hate praise, I hate praise, full stop. I don't like it. I mean even though. I know, I'm just I don't like it either, I know, but it gives you that sense of like okay, I know I'm doing the right thing. Yeah, you know what I mean. Or I appreciate what they do and I or I appreciate what they do. I always appreciate it, but I hate it. I hate being praised. To me, it's just like oh, I don't need to be told that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you're told Dave, he's actually good looking, he sits there and he tries to argue with you and go you can fucking listen to me, but that's in the eye of the person no no, no, and you're doing it right now. I know because you can't just cop it on the chin that just deal with it you are shut up, bitch um, or I'll stick something in your mouth again. We'll do a live podcast sex live sex on the podcast. You're probably already having the 700 that you've got.
Speaker 2:Um so, um yeah so, so that that's pretty much the acceptance. I think I've got one more, which is the mask of shame, and again, I think shame is something that we all have at some point in our life yeah and I don't know exactly how to describe it for me. Um, even though I know I feel shamed sometimes about you know like it's about what hit me with a, with a.
Speaker 2:The shame is, I feel like I've I've disrespected my ex-wife yeah, by being closeted all that time and basically, um, going along with the whole narrative of being this straight person which I acted and I was.
Speaker 1:You were. You didn't act it. You were yeah, you were wholeheartedly yeah, I was, I embraced myself into it, yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, even though I was suppressing myself, going back to that suppression side of things, but I never cheated, never did anything wrong by myself. But again, I felt guilt. I felt shame about that, hiding my, my identity to her. You know, when I finally came out and she was like fully acceptance of me, I felt shame inside of me for deceiving her, if that makes sense yeah, but at the same time I don't look.
Speaker 1:And I know your ex-wife, I know your son, yep right.
Speaker 2:So the thing is that neither of them hold any resentment towards no, I know because you didn't half-ass that marriage you didn't half-ass and I'm not new, I'm not unique in this at all. There's many, many guys out there, and women as well, but I don't think it's it's something.
Speaker 1:And again, here's me armchair psychologist. Yeah, I don't think it's something that you should be shameful for, because you didn't actually. You weren't, you were hiding from you. If anyone that should be, you should be asking forgiveness of it's yourself. Yeah, right, and this is having for carrying the shame about that because, yeah, you weren't deceitful to your wife. You were the father, you were the husband, you were the there, you were doing your duties.
Speaker 2:But you find yourself internally fighting yourself. So you know the faces of shame can be things like withdrawal. You can withdraw from people and I've done that many times. I've withdrawn from people. I don't correspond with people and I'm a very big social person. You know right, no way.
Speaker 2:and I will talk, and talk, and talk and no way when I was on back in the day, when I was on grinder and scruff and all the other apps, and I haven't been on them for four years, as you know, um, even though I still subscribe, yeah he still pays his subscription fees.
Speaker 1:I don't even fucking pay a subscription. Maybe one day I'm on it.
Speaker 2:Maybe one day I'll get back on them again, but who knows?
Speaker 1:We know all the Steve's are waiting.
Speaker 2:I found that I was just talking to people. But I was spending so much time just talking, yeah, but that's all anyone does, I know. But what I'm saying is I was basically talk, talk, talk. So when I got off those, I kind of withdrew away from a lot of my friends as well as in, like I didn't correspond with them as much, and I have done that with a few friends, as you know. Yeah, it's not the fact that I don't care about them, I don't want to talk, it's just I find that I'm overwhelmed with the amount of people I'm talking to all the time you can't handle more than two conversations I know, but it's just.
Speaker 2:It's just for me. I don't want them to feel that I'm ignoring them or dissing them, because I still care about them and I will be in contact with them. But my frequency of like chatting with them has gone from like 100% down to zero, most of the time no no. I know, but what I'm saying is that's part of my withdrawal right. I don't know why, I just don't know.
Speaker 2:Well, you need yeah, so I'm aware of it and I know that Another one is self-attack. People self-attack themselves because they feel sh ashamed of doing something like you know I'm. I'm ashamed about being gay, but I'm not really myself, I'm happy, I'm embraced in myself, but other people might be ashamed of it. You know I mean, especially when it comes to social and cultural, religion, religious or ethnicity. You know I mean it could be them withdrawing into themselves or attacking themselves because they don't want to be part of that group. I don't know. Yeah, avoidance and attacking others. You find that you?
Speaker 1:yeah, when, when you're ashamed of a trait yeah, um, for example, back on someone you always point pinpoint someone else, like if you're, if you're cheating on your partner, it's usually the person that's cheating that sits there and says you're cheating on me to their partner non-stop, um, or I don't know if I can trust you anymore, because I think you're doing this, I think you're doing this, and then you find out retrospectively that they're the one doing it all. Yeah, yeah, so I get that. What have you got another?
Speaker 2:one there.
Speaker 2:No, I've, I've gone through all my space because I know this is very important for me. Going back to the suppression and acceptance, I think more so the suppression, given my history of my injury now for a long time, and this still affects me even now. I get very wound up and very frustrated when it comes to insurance companies more than anything, and I never used to be like that, I never used to be angry. But I find myself that my temper is very short these days and it has been for a long time, and you've seen that, you've seen that evident quite a lot of the time all you do is dangle your son in front of you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, zero to 150.
Speaker 2:Not that I don't care or love about him, just the fact that you know I just can't deal with some of the things and it just makes me angry and frustrated inside. So the frustration and all that lies back to my injury. When I had the injury, I lost my job, went through 11 years of being controlled by insurance companies, that's medically, physically, emotionally, and I just felt suppressed, so suppressed it was unbelievable. Okay, and this is again. I mean for me. It changed my identity so much to who I am now in a bad way, because I never used to be the angry, frustrated person I was. I was very calm, very much more able to deal with things when it came my way. So this is a result of that control on me, if that makes sense yeah so again, I have that mask where I'm in myself.
Speaker 2:I can't remove that mask now. I don't know how to remove it.
Speaker 1:I wish I could be able to remove that frustration, the anger from myself and go back to the person I was before, if that makes sense yeah, but it also has brought you to the person you are today yeah, I'm not so it's not a bad thing yeah well, we can take traits from our past, because I don't want to be the person I was before, because I was a gullible fuckwit that believed that I hadn't been cheated on. Yeah, like the first time. Then the second time, yeah, I sat there and I went. So I won't be that gullible idiot again, right?
Speaker 2:but if there's anything I would change about myself, is would be more so the anger side of things. If I could control, you can throw that away. I know. You can choose, because anger is a choice because it's an emotion, it's a coping mechanism for me now.
Speaker 1:No, it's an emotion, right, and we get to choose our emotions. That's actually an adult thing that we actually do get to choose our emotions. And whether we put a mask on now in in one of the roles I was at previously, right, I had to turn up to work 100 happy in that role because I had to coach other people and mentor other people and develop other people, so I had to turn up happy, and it's not possible to be happy all the time and be, yeah, this is fun, this is amazing. How are we all today? You know, yeah, it's not possible, right, but you can turn it on, you can hold that mask up for a little while and eventually you're in that mood. Yeah, it stays on. Right, you're, it stays on.
Speaker 1:So, when you say anger and frustration, right, right, you can sit there and go all right. Well, I'm choosing not to be angry, I'm choosing not to be frustrated over this, because this is just a situation, right, and this situation is going to pass, right. So therefore and I know it will pass because it's passed before there's history that tells you that it will pass because it's passed before, right, so you can sit there and go all right. Well, I'm actually going to choose not to be angry. I'm just going to push that aside for the minute. We're going to choose something else.
Speaker 2:But for me, I wish I didn't have that trait anymore. I really do, because I know it's part of who I am, but it's a trait that I don't enjoy. It's a trait I don't like. I mean, when I get angry very quickly, I, in my, in my head, in my head, I start feeling very overwhelmed and really anxious about what I've done. I mean, I'm never nasty or vindictive or horrible to people. No, I go off on like a one to hundred in 10 seconds. You know, I mean, and I don't think about everything realistically like I used to. I was very logically thinking, you know, before I'd overreact. Yeah, that's true, I'm more vulnerable to cranky old man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, you're probably right, 100%. A cranky old man. Yeah, cranky cunt, a cc you are, so it's, um, so it's, it's okay. You're allowed to get cranky at things.
Speaker 2:You're allowed to get frustrated at things as well, so yeah, um, I'll learn to accept it, but if I could get rid of it, I would.
Speaker 1:Well, there's a really easy way To a psychologist no, no, no, no, no, no. You just need a post-it note, a pad, and I'd say get a really fucking big pad for you, Like a panty pad when you're feeling a certain way you write that word onto a post-it note.
Speaker 1:Then you pick it up, you scrunch it up and then you throw it in the bin. Not put it on my forehead and look at the mirror. No well, you can play celebrity if you want. I prove myself. You just can imagine how am I going to put it on today. Just fucking put cunt written all over your head celebrity. But yes, you can actually scrunch it up and throw it into the bin and that emotion has actually gone in the bin for the day then as well. That's a tip for everyone out there, from Matt the Guru there you go.
Speaker 2:You'll be starting a new camp soon, won't you? I'm going to fucking start my own.
Speaker 1:He'll go from yoga to no, my yoga camp is happening all right. It's a pity that you didn't win the $100 million.
Speaker 2:Some fucker didn't let me win $100 million Somebody from the eastern suburbs of all places, hey, which is a very affluent area.
Speaker 1:They didn't need to win that. I needed to win it desperately and it didn't happen. It's probably someone famous.
Speaker 2:now look, could you imagine it? Yeah bloody probably Kyle.
Speaker 1:Well, if it is good luck to him, he's a good guy. Do you think he is a good guy? But he doesn't need another $100 million. Another hundred million.
Speaker 2:He's already got hundreds of millions. Oh look, the thing is, I know right, but he's just all self-made anyway, yeah correct, correct. But I'd like to be self-made by Lotto.
Speaker 1:That's very true. Yeah, yeah, all right, so let's jump on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that was basically our main conversation.
Speaker 1:And no doubt once we actually read the book, or once Dave reads the book and I get to listen to the book, might even read a couple of chapters here and there. Who knows, who knows, you've got time now. I've got fucking no time.
Speaker 2:I've still got house 60. On your way to work you have in the mornings yeah, but I'm not reading on a train. Well, you should do no that's not going to happen.
Speaker 1:I'm busy watching Netflix or something, or catching up with Drag to 550,000 songs that Dave's made from the night before. But, yeah, but introducing a new segment, yep, because at the end of the day we struggled a little bit. Dave was going through his head.
Speaker 2:I was getting frustrated with it. Because he was getting frustrated because he couldn't find the words, because certain letters didn't have words, didn't have words, well, they weren't meeting enough.
Speaker 1:And I was like, yeah, he was trying to invent a new segment. Stop pulling that cord. It's not a fucking bookmark. Hey, shut up. It's a head to your earphones and you won't be able to hear. That's right.
Speaker 2:You won't be able to hear either.
Speaker 1:Anyway, our new segment and wow, that was really timely. It's pet peeves, slash icks, all right. So what is an ick? All right, let me just let google tell you exactly what an ick is, because I dictionary this right and it says it's an ick is an unpleasant sticky? Oh no. Or congenital substance, no, that's Okay.
Speaker 2:An ick is used to express disgust right, you say that with a big disgust.
Speaker 1:Disgust right. It says here that ick is a term used in dating to refer to a sudden feeling of disgust or repulsion to a dating partner. Somebody was exhibiting right, but it can also be like a pet peeve or an ick sort of thing. So we're going to go with that, because I think my list is infinite. Oh, I could go on for hours.
Speaker 1:I know, and that's what I'm afraid of, that we will, so I've limited us to two today. Two, two. I can't do two. You can do two. Well, my two might go to four.
Speaker 2:Bank them. Bank Two, two. I can't do two, you can do two. Well, my two might go to four. Bank them.
Speaker 1:Bank them. I can't bank things. You know that you can bank ics and pet peeves. All right, you're going to start. Then what's your first ick or pet peeve, dave?
Speaker 2:My first ick is when people don't put deodorant on and they walk past you and you can just smell the body odor and you can just smell the body odor.
Speaker 1:I can never smell it.
Speaker 2:I know you can't because I've been past many people. I said to Matt can you fucking smell them?
Speaker 1:Years and years of excessive drug use.
Speaker 2:Look, my son's got a fucking you know, an odor problem. In terms of like you, know?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's usually from his plastic shoes, oh yeah, feet or shoes.
Speaker 2:But he's, you know, he's probably not aware of it he sweats a lot, so it's, it's a hormonal thing for him. But what gets me is when people just don't bother.
Speaker 1:you know, I mean you know, so I can smell bo.
Speaker 2:Yeah, bo is fucking. I mean, we all have it so.
Speaker 1:So I guess, to relate to that, the part that I don't like, and, and on the afternoon I catch sydney trains, all right, so of a sydney train of an afternoon, I'm not unfamiliar with the fragrance that Dave's talking about.
Speaker 1:Right, and it's usually masked by some kind of Lynx Africa spray, if you're lucky. If you're lucky, yeah, all right. However, the thing that I don't like, that really does ick me on. This particular ick is when it's first thing of the morning and it's a female and it's gross. Then you sit there and you go. You're supposed to be the neater, cleaner sex of the two of us. Why do you stink like you haven't showered in a month and a half and it's even worse when you're trapped next to them.
Speaker 2:They're sat right next to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it usually is a public transport sort of situation. Like a walk by. At least you can go. Oh God, that's fucking gross. And they can keep walking by.
Speaker 2:I reckon Sydney trains need to have like a decontamination tube. As you go in you have to walk through through it. It decontaminates you. It'd be great. And then you go in and it's a ventilated. Um, it's a wonder they didn't put that in covid. Oh yeah, it should have done. Yeah, could be ideas you can give.
Speaker 1:Yeah great idea, great idea, that's my first, your first, is that all right? So my first ick or first pet peeve? More so is when I ask siri for something and she doesn't give it to me, like I literally just asked her what an ick is right and she told you everything about it. She told me everything, but she told me some numbers. Is the number between seven preceding seven? No, after seven and before nine? And I'm sitting there going. How is that even close?
Speaker 1:I'm thinking you fucking stupid moron bitch, like, like you're supposed to be, ai, you're supposed to be here to help and I know that I speak with a mumble or an aussie accent sometimes, so I get that it's hard to understand me, especially if you're a dumb robot like siri and I'm surprised she hasn't come on now that I've said her name three times. But if you're like an automated, ai-generated thing, learn the language Like, fuck me, like it. Just it grinds my gears because, look, I've had many a conversation with her right, many a conversation and I use her frequently because I'm a stickler for the rules. We know that. So when I'm driving somewhere, I will often ask her to call somebody or to do something, and occasionally she will call the wrong person and do the wrong thing. But if I'm typing out a text message or voicing a text message, I'd say 95% of the time she gets at least part of it wrong and I look like a fucking dirty creep.
Speaker 2:Google's 100% wrong all the time. You know that. But you speak with an English accent, I know, but you know, you see my auto-typing as it is, without fucking Google helping it.
Speaker 1:That's not even voice automated, though I know Like it's just. It does it. Just. I think to myself how do you get it so wrong, like? And I know that there's thousands and thousands of cases on the internet where people have sort of said things and she's got it wrong and it's sent it to her mum and something like that, Like, but it's just like it just it grinds my gears. It really gets me. So yeah, yeah, yeah, she's a bitch and she's a stupid bitch at times.
Speaker 1:I remember that time. No, actually that was funny, because we were driving somewhere and I think I said you got asked. I said hey, google. She piped up and went I'll pretend I didn't hear that. And I thought oh, now you listen to me, bitch.
Speaker 2:Correct yourself there, didn't you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was amusing, she probably felt threatened. So she does actually provide me with some amusement at times as well, and if you want to get some amusement from her I don't know if she does it anymore she's taught to herself. No, no, you can ask her what um one divided by one is.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah and she sits, or you get the one to go. I say uh-huh no, no.
Speaker 1:If you ask what one divided by one is or something like she said, she'll sit there and says something about oh no, zero divided by zero. You gotta ask her and she says something about you can't divide zero by zero. An example of this is that if you had zero friends and you're divided by them zero cookies you're divided by zero. An example of this is that if you had zero friends and you divided by them zero cookies, you divided by zero friends, or something like that. You get zero cookies and I'm sad that you got zero friends. It's actually really, really entertaining. Get out there and ask her what zero divided by zero is.
Speaker 2:Ask her what.
Speaker 1:Ask her to rap as well.
Speaker 2:I'll fart.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's funny. She does provide entertainment, so I do love her at times, but I just wish she'd get my messages right sometimes. So that's your ick, all right what's your second one, dave?
Speaker 2:My second one is motoring. Again, it's when you've got these fucking idiots that put their fucking car exhausts on full. You know what I mean, as in they've got really loud exhausts on full, you know I mean, as in they got really loud really loud exhaust and they're just fucking driving up there and they're fucking revving their engines and it just fucking gets my fucking gears and I can confirm yep, that dave goes fucking bonkers.
Speaker 1:We talk about the um angry dave from zero to 110. That's how you create it.
Speaker 2:I get road rage. Any loud exhaust, I get fucking road rage Right.
Speaker 1:He goes, fucking idiots.
Speaker 2:I think it's any loud noise. I think it's just when babies start crying and screaming. Cranky old man, oh, I can't deal with it. Noise is just too much. Even playing on the pokey, sometimes I fuck up the machine next to me it's fucking too loud, and I me it's fucking too loud and I'm like, fuck off, it's got a volume you know, fuck off, get this fucking noise out of my head.
Speaker 1:Leave me alone. I've found some new plugs today.
Speaker 1:Actually I was unpacking stuff, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll give them to your grandpa, okay? Um well, that that's my next, anyway so yeah, that's your name all those fucking noisy cunts yeah, but yeah, but I and I get it. I do get it because I never used to be like that. There's no need for it though. No, like, why add a noisy thing on your muffler? Yeah, that's going to make it sound even noisier. Yeah, like, dave has a love of motorbikes, especially the ones that have the big, loud Harleys.
Speaker 2:Well, they fucking drive outside my house all the time, other fucking trucks, the fucking and I'm like fuck off, get out of my fucking head too funny.
Speaker 1:So mine is also a traffic one. Okay, all right, but it's the thank you, it's the polite thank you. Right, if I'm letting you in, oh yeah, I don't have to let anyone in, right? I've got a big fuck-off LDVU, I don't have to let no one in. But if I'm being polite and I'm letting you in a courtesy wave, thank you would be polite and friendly. It just I do it and I usually I'm an over-waver. I literally wave to the middle, I wave to the side. I'm waiting for him to acknowledge that I've waved to the middle. I waved to the side. I'm waiting for him to acknowledge that I waved to him.
Speaker 2:He's got his window down. He's waving like the queen.
Speaker 1:I've got my arm out, popping my head out saying thanks, buddy, Did you get that?
Speaker 2:Like. You know what I mean. Look at me, I'm so fucking great.
Speaker 1:I literally am an over-waver, to make sure that they know how appreciative I was about letting them in and even when they pass you again, you wave I do I blow them a kiss. I usually fucking transfer some cash into their account and stuff like that. Um no, I don't have their bsb as an account numbers, otherwise I probably would um, but but like I give them a bj as they pull up at the lights.
Speaker 2:Hey, I'll do that for sure.
Speaker 1:But like it just gets me and it makes me angry and I think, well, the rest of the world's going to fucking suffer now because I'm never letting anyone in again. Right, I want one more, and I do, I do. I let them in. You can't bank it.
Speaker 2:No, you know who this is Okay. Okay, you know who this is okay. You know who this is this is a person.
Speaker 1:Okay, this is not a. This is not a. Okay, all right, go go cranky old man.
Speaker 2:Go well the club. We go to perry with panthers. Yep, there's a guy that works there no name and shame can I? Yeah, fuck. Yeah, his name is dougie. He's an old, cantankerous cunt. And how tall is he? About two feet three foot tall. He'd be fucking short. If I had a spade, I'd be fucking digging him right under the ground he has only got. He is only gonna fucking look at me and I fucking go off on one he doesn't even have to look at you, he just grinds my fucking gears he's an interfering little old twat that fucking stands behind people when they're trying to do things he's got short man syndrome.
Speaker 2:Oh fucking hell to the nth degree. He's got. He's got a phobia about fucking having more than four chairs together or three tables together, because he has a fucking. He has ocd um just a little bit to the max, but it's not just me. Russ can't stand it either. No, no, no. We all talk about, we all laugh, don't we? But yeah, but it gets to me, but he really gets you, he gets when we come in for the car park.
Speaker 2:I can hear his fucking voice at the top of the car park and I'm walking down there thinking fuck you before you get there, and I just don't want to look at him I won't acknowledge you.
Speaker 1:But he also knows this now, because he just now, because when I walk in now he just says he just points at the machine. Thank you, sir. Right, he's so polite because he knows that he's one step away from us actually reporting him. Right, because he's tried to used to try and touch our cards and take our cards and swipe us in right and again. No, no, I'm an adult and I had a swipe in right, it's a real.
Speaker 2:I've been going here every three times a week for the last fucking two years. You don't need to look at my picture, it's on there.
Speaker 1:You know, but it's just like oh my God, but Dave, he just has to look in Dave's direction, breathe in Dave's direction, even if, even if it's nothing to do with Dave.
Speaker 2:I'll be watching him. That's a problem. I sit and I look at him and everybody's talking to me. We've told Dave so many times.
Speaker 1:Turn around and face the other way and he's going. No, I won't change.
Speaker 2:But I'll be talking to people and then suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I'll see him fucking doing something. And then my eyes will be there and they're all looking at me going.
Speaker 1:Dave, stop it now relax leave him alone.
Speaker 2:It's funny as I just, I just want to fucking knock. I don't want to kill him, but I just want to fucking yeah, you kind of do.
Speaker 1:I just want him.
Speaker 1:I just want him out of my life I don't want him in my brain, you don't want him near you don't want him anywhere near me, but yes, but it is um, it is hysterical to watch, um, to say the very very least. But, yeah, you've got to have another one now. No, no, no, I'm okay, I can bank mine, are you sure? Yeah, I've got thousands of them, but I can bank mine. All right, but yeah, I think we'll wrap up on that If you've got a good egg that you like.
Speaker 2:If you've got an egg or a pet peeve.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let us know, send us in to fullygrownhomo's podcast on our socials. It's probably the easiest way hit us up via our socials. I'm sure that plenty of our listeners have got icks, oh for sure, or pet peeves and the more obscure ones the better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, really obscure ones If it's something strange, like yeah yeah, it's something strange.
Speaker 1:Like you know, somebody didn't cut their fingernails while they were fisting you or something like that. You might think this was a video content. You should have seen Dave's face then but, yeah, hit us up with your icks or your pet peeves or any topics that you'd like us to cover off. Yeah, we hope you've enjoyed this session and we'll talk soon. I'm Bean Matt.
Speaker 2:I'm Bean, dave, and we both love each other and we love you all. And, yeah, have a great day.
Speaker 1:See you next time. Bye, that's a wrap from us. We've been your fully grown homos and we look forward to opening your mind, your ears, your ears and your curiosities. Don't forget to like, comment and subscribe and share our podcast with your curious friends. You can contact us on fullygrownhomospodcast at gmailcom or any of our socials. Fully Grown Homos Podcast. Bye.
