Fully Grown Homos Podcast
Fully Grown Homos Podcast
Navigating Gay Relationships: Monogamy, Sex Work, and More
We don't shy away from controversial topics, either. This episode takes a deep dive into the often-ignored subject of sex work, especially in relationships involving asexual partners. We underline the necessity of transparent communication to satisfy unmet sexual needs and the importance of getting to know a partner thoroughly before taking the plunge. We also touch on the joys and challenges of self-love and independence, and how parenting affects intimacy and sexual dynamics within relationships.
Moreover, we tackle the complex world of long-distance and military relationships, emphasizing the critical need for personal space and clear timeframes to manage physical separation. We share personal stories about the strain distance puts on relationships and discuss the dynamics of casual and open relationships versus traditional commitments. The episode also highlights the importance of identifying and leaving toxic relationships, and we round out the discussion by challenging stereotypes in age-gap relationships, demonstrating that genuine love can transcend age differences. Tune in for a heartfelt and candid exploration of what it means to navigate relationships in the gay community today.
If you want to send us a question or would like our thoughts on a particular topic you can contact us at Fullygrownhomospodcast@gmail.com or contact us on any of our socials at Fully Grown Homos Podcast.
Welcome to Fully Grown Homos, a podcast about our adventures as fully grown homos navigating today's world full of inquisitive friends, questions about gay life and the unexplored activities of a life lived as fully grown homos.
Speaker 2:We'll discuss the gay 101s, sex sexuality and topics we don't even know yet, as we want your input into what you want to hear. Nothing is off limits, so email us on the Fully Grown Homos podcast at gmailcom or message any of our socials.
Speaker 1:Fully Grown Homos, with Dave and Matt. On today's episode, we're going to discuss what Dave, we're going to talk about relationships.
Speaker 2:Matt, that's right. We're going to talk what, dave. We're going to talk about relationships.
Speaker 1:Matt, that's right. We're going to talk about all kinds of relationships some we've just discovered ourselves, and we're going to chat about them. And I'm going to kick it off with a question Do you think it's possible in the gay world to have a monogamous relationship? Well, matt.
Speaker 2:Um, going from my experiences never having really sort of like being married in that regards in a gay relationship, I can't really say a monogamous relationship has worked for me. I've had two relationships with, with two different guys. Um, both of them failed at different parts, so for me the experience I got from them was basically I don't believe in my heart that monogamous relationships are as prolific.
Speaker 1:Ding, ding, ding correct the gay world, yeah, so, yeah, obviously they can work in the gay world, but, again, from my experience, they don't work in the gay world because, as men, we are promiscuous creatures and this is not to say all gay men are promiscuous creatures, but all the ones that I've been with are and, um, I was in three relationships that I've counted and out of those, one of them was a monogamous relationship to start with, but then we decided to open that up together and we did that and then sort of that basically disintegrated the relationship because neither him or me were that kind of person that could handle the jealousy because we put rules into place and all that kind of stuff, but it just didn't work for us. And then the other relationships, um, they turned out to be non-monogamous. To my surprise. After the relationship ended, I found out about those ones.
Speaker 1:So I think the answer for me is definitely a hard no. I would never get into a monogamous relationship again. Um, probably because I'm just enjoying sex with different people. I love it. Um, I found that while I've gotten into relationships in the past, the sex has died down and disintegrated and it's gotten to basically nothing at all, and I think that sex actually is important in a relationship and I'm enjoying it. Doing it lots and doing it lots, lots and lots.
Speaker 1:Lots and lots and lots, and doing it with lots of different people as well, because different people do different things, and that way you learn new techniques and stuff like that as well. Exactly, matt. So your relationships that you had, were they monogamous relationships?
Speaker 2:Well, initially I believe they were, but I knew from the offset that the very first relationship I had with a guy I needed to get more experience within the gay community. I went into this relationship really quite quickly. The guy I was in a relationship with was a wonderful guy, had no, nothing wrong with him at all. I pulled out the relationship not him, um, and I broke his heart in that regards and I still think he's a lovely guy and he did nothing wrong, um, but for me, I just needed to get myself involved in the community more, um, and experience a lot more, and I did that and I'm grateful for doing it.
Speaker 2:And then I went into a relationship again quite quickly after that, again with an older guy, and then that turned into being a disaster again. It was a very toxic relationship, very narcissistic, something I'd never experienced before in my life, but we'll talk about that a bit later on. In terms of the types of relationships different types as well, um, but for me, um, what I've learned from the last 10 years or 14 years or whatever it might be now, um, being involved in the community, is the fact that I believe that monogamous relationships are something that has to be worked very, very strongly at um. There's too much temptation, I think, in the gay world to Well.
Speaker 1:I think if Sorry for interrupting, but I think if you're wanting to be part of the gay community as such and to have a monogamous relationship, I think there are two things you have to do completely separate yourself from the community.
Speaker 2:There is still monogamous relationships in the gay world there is, but they're generally not part of the actual community.
Speaker 1:So I know that, um, when I was in my last relationship and sort of, when I found out that he'd downloaded apps and stuff like that, um, to my surprise, then we decided we'd open the relationship for the last year of our relationship before it all ended. Um, we would go out to different bars and the amount of people when you said you were with somebody, they definitely want to sleep with you, regardless of whether you're attractive, unattractive or whatever. Um, they all wanted to crack at that, almost breaking up the relationship or being part of that relationship. So it was almost a challenge to see how they could. If you told them you're a monogamous in a monogamous relationship, they'd go let's see if we can test how strong their will is. So I don't think you'd be part of the community and part of a monogamous relationship.
Speaker 2:Oh look, I probably disagree with you in terms of where you're saying that I think monogamy does still is part of the community. There. I disagree with you in terms of where you're saying that I think monogamy does still is part of the community. There are still gay people that are still part of that community. Yep, so I get what you're trying to say is it's basically the temptation and the what's the word I'm looking for. The promiscuity within the gay world is very much stronger than the heterosexual world, so therefore, I believe that monogamy in our dynamics is is less likely to succeed because of that temptation and the sex you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I guess, why do we need it to succeed? Like we're gay men, all right, and lesbians as well, and I don't know again, we've got to get our fully grown lesbians on this bloody podcast so that we can actually start to understand more about their world, because we found out recently that it is a completely different world and we were so intrigued by it. So I've got one that I grew, or my mum and dad grew. She's a fully grown lesbian. And then we've got another great friend and we need to get them on because you guys will be blown away by some of the differences, the comments, differences, so now, that's right.
Speaker 2:We've got a neighbor coming past and the dogs are barking, yeah. So, moving forward from that topic, matt, I do believe that from my experience in the gay sector, I think open relationships are far more common than they are monogamous. Yeah, I think open relationships are far more common than they are monogamous. And even then, I think open relationships are one of those relationships that you have to have that set in precedence before you go into a relationship, so people are on the same wavelength and I think you will succeed more in a relationship that way. It's when the temptation is there and either one of the parties is not willing to step up, or they go in on themselves, or there's a sexless relationship, for example.
Speaker 2:You know there are multiple types of relationships that are out there and I do believe that, um, that is a driving force to what type of relationship you go into. I believe believe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it has to be. If you're planning on entering a relationship with anyone, have the discussion, all right, yes, I like you. We want to be boyfriends Yep, that's great. I want to be girlfriends that's great. But let's define the perimeters around this because, again, it's 2024, all right. There's so much research online. We've just opened up google a couple of minutes ago and we found things that we didn't even know existed yep, um. So have a really open, frank discussion with your partner, or your partner to be, about what you want from your relationship and see if they align and if they align, that's fantastic. If they don't align, that's good too. But see what your boundaries are and make sure you discuss those, because I think the important part about any kind of relationship, regardless of whether it's a sexual relationship, a friendship or anything at all- any kind of relationship.
Speaker 1:I think the important part is knowing what you're getting into.
Speaker 2:What I might do, matt, is just while we got on the topic, I might just run through a few of the relationships written down in front of us so we can then discuss them at a later stage in this podcast, just so people can understand the types of relationships we're going to be referring to Now. Our relationship, what we have we have an amazing relationship.
Speaker 2:We can quite easily go into a full-on relationship. But we don't need to, because what we have is special to both of us, but also it suits both of our needs. So for us we've managed that from the offset and this is great for us. You know what I mean. So the types of relationships I've got written down in front of me so ours.
Speaker 1:If we were going to put a label on it, it's friends with benefits, right, well, it's an open yeah, it's an open friends relationship.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, very, very close friends. And we just, we know, we, we meet up with each other every single week. We're in each other's faces 24, 24 7, but not in each other's faces it makes sense. We've got our own space of our own houses, um, but we just love each other in terms of, like, hanging out together and doing things okay. So the relationships I've got down here are romantic relationships, friendships, which we just touched on, um, we've got online, I think.
Speaker 2:Sorry I'm gonna interrupt, but I think friendships are the most important ones and they validate your life and and your everything around you well what I've come to experience, matt for myself, as well as friendships, I think if you've got a friendship, then that's far more important to me than having a relationship, because if that relationship breaks down, you lose that friendship.
Speaker 1:Yep, and for me, friends are more important than anything, as well as family members, obviously I've had friends in my life for literally like people that I've been friends with for I'm now 53 fucking hell, yeah, you turned it last week, yeah, whatever, um, anyway, and I've had friends that I've been friends with for like since I was born. Like I've got my next neighbor that I'm still friends with. Um, I've got friends that I've met at different workplaces that I've been friends with for over 30 years.
Speaker 2:But you've also got past relationships who you're still friends with as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I do One.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it's still a friendship you've got there Correct. And I still think that's a very important thing as well. So moving forward again, going back onto these, before I was interrupted in a nice way.
Speaker 2:Don't I was interrupted in a nice way in a nice way, don't worry um, we have like open relationships. Uh, we got marriage. Obviously that's monogamous, I suppose. In that regards, I suppose um long distance relationships, polyamorous. We've got asexual asexuality relationships monogamous, as we mentioned. Casual platonic acquaintances, family relationships, work relationships, open relationships, interracial relationships, friends with benefits, as we just mentioned, proximity relationships, toxic relationships and friends and the last one, therapeutic relationships, will we all touch on?
Speaker 1:as well. Look, we're going to jump into that one now, actually, because I actually think that's, that's a really important part of not just our community, but I think it's an important part that a lot of people don't think about. So therapeutic relationships, by definition, is something that potentially has a need like because, again, I believe that we're all sexual creatures, right and otherwise we wouldn't be jerking off since the age of bloody 11 years old and all the way through till we die pretty much. So I think we all need some kind of contact, some kind of physical contact with another person and therapeutic relationships. For myself, what I feel they mean and the definition is basically somebody that provides a service. So we're either talking about an escort, a sex worker that's providing a service to somebody, whether they be somebody that's physically, mentally handicapped, potentially, whether it's an older generation that needs to see that sex worker. I think they're a really important part and they play a really important part. Sex workers got such a negative stick for so long and still do. There's such a stigma.
Speaker 2:It's stereotypical. Well, like anything in life, people asonymize that type of work as something that is negative and taboo.
Speaker 1:Yeah, whereas we look into it further and deeper, you realize that a lot of people out there can provide a service that is needed for sure well, look it's, and we all have a chuckle about the massage place, with the happy ending and the rub and tug and the oily and whatever you want to call it right, and we always say I'll pay extra for the special when we're all having that little chuckle about the massage therapist. But that's a necessity for some people and we forget that, and so those workers that are actually performing those services are doing a great service for the community.
Speaker 2:But that also touches base Matt as well with another one, which is asexuality. You know what I mean where people don't actually have any sexual attraction to somebody. Any sexual attraction to any gender. So if you're in a relationship with somebody that has that, your needs aren't going to be met by the other partner. Should I say?
Speaker 2:Correct so therefore, you know it's only fair that you should be able to have that relationship with that person, but you still need to have the benefits of having contact with other people as well physical contact again, because, again, asexuality and someone that's asexual is not sexually attracted to any gender whatsoever, absolutely so.
Speaker 1:it could be another man, it could be another woman, could be whatever, but, like you said, if somebody is actually going to enter in a relationship because all the other boxes are ticked and all those other needs are fulfilled, then again, this is where communication is the biggest key in any relationship, and you've got to discuss that and go into that and basically say, hey, I really love you, I want to be part of this relationship. Everything we share, everything we do together, is amazing. However, if you're not going to offer me this, can I, because it almost needs to be a permission thing yeah, well, I think that needs to be discussed at the beginning, at the beginning of the relationship. Can I go and seek this out somewhere else? If not, this can't work, because this is my need. I understand it's not your need and I'm fully okay with that. Right, if you're fully okay with that, yeah, um, but again, be careful what you're signing yourself up for as well.
Speaker 2:so, this is so important. It's like any relationship, you know, when you see people rushing into a relationship, um, it's why that program maths doesn't work, because two people are forced into a situation where they don't know each other enough. And, as it proves, I mean, sometimes it does work, but very rarely, um, where people are, you know, pushed into into a forced situation and they don't know each other, and then you realize quite quickly that the dynamics is never going to work, whether it's sexually attraction, whether it's physical types, whether it's ethnic backgrounds or anything like that. You know. This is why it's so important for anybody that enters into a relationship take your time, get to know the people you know. If it means going on 20,000 dates before you decide that you're going to go on a relationship, do it.
Speaker 1:There's no hurry.
Speaker 2:No, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And you don't ever have to commit to the relationship either. You can just say, hey, happy to be friends with benefits for eternity. Really love your company. And again, where I'm at in my life currently is that I never want to be in a one-on-one relationship ever again. Right, whether it be because of past trauma or because I'm actually really happy in myself, I love myself. I really do. I love myself. I love my own company. Me and my dogs get along really really well. Um, they both love me and I know that because every single time I get home, they kiss me like crazy. Um, every single morning I get kisses like crazy. They love me too. They do. They sometimes love dave more than me, which really pisses me off um but I'm happy in myself and my situation.
Speaker 1:Um, I don't see that changing for the foreseeable future. Um, unless, again, unless you've got fucking gazillions of dollars, then of course I'll be your boyfriend. Um, I can't be you wouldn't have a good life I can be bought. I can be bought, I will be, I can retire you mean, you want a sugar daddy? I desperately want a sugar daddy, um, although I'm way too old to be somebody's sugar baby money doesn't make a good relationship let's see.
Speaker 1:Huh, let's just see. Okay, I'll remind you of all this. Find me a millionaire or a billionaire, and then we'll talk about it Going back into.
Speaker 2:I'll call Uncle Elon, go back into the therapeutic work. I mean. Another thing that can happen is you can go into a monogamous relationship, a marriage whatever you want to call it, you know and your sex life will dry up because of other needs, such as work stress, mental health issues, family dynamics or just if you're in the the heterosexual work world children. Well, you can have children in the homosexual world.
Speaker 1:You can, you can, I'm sorry I forgot we're in 2024 for a second there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so any relationship.
Speaker 1:Children will actually put a strain on your relationship oh, absolutely. And they will stop you from having sex physically, from jumping into bed with you. So anytime you're starting to feel a bit frisky, they'll crawl in. They have this sixth sense, apparently, like I've got lots of family and friends that have got children and they will find out somehow. They'll just work out exactly when you're about to get the deed done and they'll come crawling to bed and you sit there and you go. Well, that's a buzzkill, because I'm not rooting with the child next to me.
Speaker 2:Well, it used to happen to us when we were kids as well. We'd interrupt our parents as well At some point. Point I'm sure we would have done yeah probably, probably um.
Speaker 2:But again, I mean, I've got a 20 year old son and uh, basically I remember, you know he is like you know he's full-on or he can be full-on he's a cock blocker. Yeah, you know, especially when they're young, like you said, then you luckily, otherwise you might have more um, but you know you're so physically drained from you know, from just working and not having any time of your own and that can push your family dynamics apart completely. So again you enter into like what's normally called a platonic relationship.
Speaker 2:So, again, I mean, depending on that dynamics, one or both partners might need to have some relief somewhere, if it's agreeable. Obviously, I wouldn't advise people to do it behind each other's back. You need to sit down and discuss what's needed. If you can't spend the time together and you still need that relief, then why? Why wouldn't you?
Speaker 1:yeah, correct, you know there's nothing, nothing wrong with that, and it's not judgmental about anybody, and this is also hang on. We're not basing this on the male needing relief no women need sex as well. They do absolutely, and so the female relief as well. Now, being a man, I haven't really researched whether women can go to any kind of brothel, but I'm assuming there'd be a male.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but they can get male escorts well, they can do female escorting as well because it's still, they're still getting a guy to work for them and they're providing the service to the man, correct, correct? So, yeah, I mean so why wouldn't they either way, you know, but yeah but, it's important. Sex is definitely important in any form of relationship, regardless, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, in our opinion yeah.
Speaker 2:Polyamory oh look, we had a sort of like a polyamory we did. We had a thruple, a thruple and again, while we weren't in a relationship.
Speaker 1:we definitely. We used to call ourselves the thruple, yeah Right.
Speaker 2:And we had. So what were we calling?
Speaker 1:that? What was our name? The flipper boys. We were the flipper boys because dave come up with or he googled one day and found out the dolphins are definitely non-monogamous, all very sexual based creatures.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they used to just like to fuck each other in the pods, and they ones are the only sort of like ones of the, uh, the animal kingdom that enjoy sex without having to have reproduction requirements as well.
Speaker 1:They actually enjoy sex like we do as humans you know, and, and I don't like the reproduction requirements because I put my little in people's bums, um but we had fun in that relationship and you know it just happened that you know our friend just took fucking ghost to this, yeah, well if you're listening, no, fuck off. Oh no, no, we love you still yeah, we care about you, but obviously your circumstances and your dynamics change so yeah, so basically we understand that and you know, move forward in life, correct?
Speaker 2:but we experience and we have fun. While it lasts, it's, that was fun we're good at.
Speaker 1:We're good at getting people to ghost us, aren't we like? Oh, come on, there's a few, there's other.
Speaker 2:Again, it's down to I. I don't take it personally. I think at the end of the day, everybody's got different things happening in their lives at different times and you know, if I could understand why they were choosing not to do it, then that's fine, yeah. But you know that's. The hard thing is, if they were just being said like we need a break, that's fine, I can get over it, you know. Yeah, but not to sort of like have any sort of correspondence is the hard thing.
Speaker 2:They go blank. You take it personally quicker than I do, Matt.
Speaker 1:I don't take it personally because I say fuck you, move on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1:If you want to be in my life, you're important to me, right? And if I've chosen you to be in my life, you're important to me, right, and I feel that I should be given the same respect.
Speaker 2:Is what other issues that they might not be wanting to talk about or they might not know how to talk about it and they feel a burden. So I get it. You know what I mean. So I'm not going to digress anymore because, at the end of the day, you know.
Speaker 1:It is what it is. It is exactly. It is what it is, so what about work relationships, matt?
Speaker 2:How do you find your? I mean, obviously we're not going to talk about work because you can't.
Speaker 1:Look, I actually mentioned to a colleague of mine a while ago. We were all out together and he said something about being friends and I said, oh, don't get twisted. I like you and you're a really nice guy, but we're not friends. And he was cut. He was absolutely devastated, right. And the next time he sent me a message, like about three days later, and he said, oh, just checking in to see how you're feeling. He said not that we're friends or anything. And I went, oh, get over it, precious. Like seriously, I have my friends and I have a lot of friends and I'm really really lucky, think I'm very thankful for the friends that I've actually got and I do try to keep in touch with them all. I'm really shit at some of them. I need to pick up the phone more often. I need to send messages more often, all that kind of stuff, especially for my long-term ones, that I think we take them for granted a little bit at times, that they'll always be there.
Speaker 2:We shouldn't but work does get in your way of life as well you know you've only got 24 hours a day. That's why I need a sugar daddy um having so many friends like you have, matt, it is impossible and you're not affecting anybody, just like you know and that's why I do reach out.
Speaker 1:quite often when we're doing, when we're going to shows or when we're going to certain things I've, I put a post out saying everyone please come along to this, it's going to be a great, fun night. It would be awesome if you could all make it and stuff like that. So we do catch up with different groups of circles and I do catch up with lots of different people at different times.
Speaker 2:So basically, work friends are just work colleagues.
Speaker 1:They're work acquaintances and I get along with a lot of people and I'm happy to actually talk with work friends because I'm quite a good listener. I actually get spoken to a lot about a lot of different things, um, and I'm very lucky in that sense.
Speaker 2:so I yeah but do you, do you think that in the general concept of work relationships, do you think that they work in terms of if you've got two people that are not married or there are like relationships that are happening in the background, do you've got two people that are not married or there are like relationships that are happening in the background, do you think that they would work long term or I've always had a rule where you don't get your meat, where you get your bread, exactly all right and I totally agree with you.
Speaker 1:But I do know people that I work with that are actually husband and wife and they work really well together. They have they have this beautiful way of separating work from home. Yep, um, they both do a phenomenal job.
Speaker 2:I wasn't referring to marital, I was on about just external relationships. But in the working environment, do you think that if two people at work that you know we're trying to form a relationship outside of work as well, do you think it would naturally blossom, or do you think the pressures of work would cause that dynamic to be a little bit more harder to work through? That's what I mean.
Speaker 1:Well, I think if there's a problem, it's going to result in your work depending on the level of maturity so many variables. I don't think it's a black and white question. Well, for, me.
Speaker 2:I mean I can talk for experience because I mean I met my ex-wife when I was in the military. How?
Speaker 1:did that go.
Speaker 2:Dave, it was a woman, it was fine. It was actually fine yeah, and you met her again today, didn't?
Speaker 1:you? Yeah, I met her again today, and you two are so good at pushing each other's buttons. It's not funny Anyway.
Speaker 2:So basically, when I was in the military and working together, it was hard because you don't get that 24 hour separation from each other. If you work on the same shift, you work in the same hours, you basically go home and it can cause a little bit of like friction between you because you have to have that little bit of divide. But again, I mean, you know it doesn't always have to be that way. I think you know, if you have a good work ethics, like you said, and you're not working with each other in the same office space or you're not working with each other in the same environment, um, then that works fine, you know. I mean, you know you can be two floors above each other and still have a great working relationship, but you come home and that relationship is then you know, your time together, it's your time together and that works well for sure, definitely, definitely. Um, okay, matt, what about long-term distance?
Speaker 1:Long-distance relationships, yeah, long-distance. Long-distance, not long-term. Long-term relationships are fine.
Speaker 2:They're fine yeah, for some people Long-distance that's what I meant.
Speaker 1:Long-distance relationships. Again, you hear that they're working out, um, unless there's a definitive time frame of when they're no longer going to become long distance relationships. So the thing is that you'll hear long distance relationships but then they go all right, well, we're only doing this for two years, yeah, yeah, and then at least there's the definitive. Well, in two years we've got to push through this hardship and not seeing each other and all that, but then in that two years' time frame, there's got to be an end result. It's like again, like I said, I think that there has to be because you'd run the risk personally, because there's no way of physical contact, right, the risk personally, because there's no way of physical contact, right. And I get that. We have this magical thing called um facebook, or I wonder what is it? Oh, my god, you're on about social media. No, no, just video camming, basically yeah stuff like that facetime.
Speaker 1:Facetime, that's what I'm thinking about zoom and facetime and all that kind of stuff, so you can do all kinds of fun stuff over cameras and all that kind of stuff you can um, but again, I I don't know that I've ever seen it work.
Speaker 2:Look, I mean, I think the only way it works is basically and I'll say this for it for um, you know an example in my life where my parents, my father, was in the military and then, when he left the military, he went to work in the middle, and then, when he left the military, he went to work in the middle east, and we didn't have things such as the internet at that time. You know, it was still becoming available. Later on, they was born bc. Yeah, um, but what I'm saying is I saw the, the way that my parents or, like you know, they had a lot of issues in terms of the straits.
Speaker 2:I mean, my dad was working in the middle east, so I don't see him twice a year. My mum would go on holiday to see him more than what we would see him, um, but again, when she was at home, the temptation was there and I do believe that there was some form of an affair that my mum had. Yeah, I mean, she'll probably deny it, but myself and my siblings both saw it happening. You know what I mean. Again, my father didn't.
Speaker 1:And that would be hard. Yeah, it was hard, it was hard.
Speaker 2:But they pushed through it. They pushed through it. When my father came back, the relationship, you know, blossomed again, but again it was just that temptation of long distance away from each other.
Speaker 1:And, like you said, the physicality side of things was what drew them apart. In that regard, you know, yeah and so, and let's face it, communication wasn't a big key back then. So it's not like your mum could have happily said to your dad do you mind if I go off and hook up with some other people in the meantime?
Speaker 2:and your dad couldn't have said the same thing to you but it was also the pressures of my mum having, like children at home as well to look after. So you know she was subjected to that intense being a single parent. You know and I know what you're like now.
Speaker 1:So as a kid you would have been a little fucker absolutely I was.
Speaker 2:I was a great little kid.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you would have been hard to manage definitely I was not hard money, I would have been the bees knees at school yeah, you were. I was a good boy. You were a nerd, weren't you?
Speaker 2:my mom loved me yes, so did your dad and my dad. Yeah, definitely, definitely did um. But yeah, so I don't think, like you said, that I don't think long distance relationships are very successful. No, you know, I mean good luck to those that do work, you know, but I mean I just don't think they were um. What about casual relationships?
Speaker 1:casual relationships, well, that's it's a bit like open relationships. Yeah, it's a open relationships, a bit like what we've got pretty much going on. So you know, as I said, like we just um, just casually fuck occasionally no, we're just more than that.
Speaker 2:We're not. We are. We fall into the friends with benefits.
Speaker 1:We definitely do and we, you know, we, um, and that works well for us. Yeah, we definitely, and we definitely sort of very, very much great, great, great friends. So, yes, um, and and okay, toxic relationships.
Speaker 2:What makes a relationship toxic. Well, again, it's a multiple of different things. I mean, you know, for me, the most toxic one I had was, like I said, the last full-on relationship I had was with an older guy and I was completely blindsided, um, very narcissistic, and I had no experience of narcissism in my life until that. And when my psychologist mentioned to me the possibilities of being narcissistic and I started Googling it and then realizing that my whole relationship was the same as everybody else has ever had a narcissistic relationship relationship and it just like took me by surprise, I actually got obsessed with, with actually googling it, because it was so, um, so traumatic to me that I just needed clarity as to why it wasn't working.
Speaker 2:And was I the bad person? Because that's what I was meant to believe. I was always meant to believe that I was the bad person and it wasn't me. With analysis, that's it is. And again, I mean, it's a mental disorder I'm led to believe, or it's something that's groomed into them from an early age. Yeah, um, it's not necessarily their fault, it's just their type of personality type. But again, if you're completely blindsided by it all and you don't see the red flags, then is there are many and people fall into things.
Speaker 2:That's matt making out sorry, um, yeah. So basically, for me that is a form of toxic relationship, you know.
Speaker 1:But there are other types of toxic relationships yeah, of course there are, like there's obviously being physically threatened, yeah, emotionally threatened, verbally, verbally threatened. Um, remember that you're going into a relationship because you want to be in love or loved by that person. Right, fundamentally right. The moment you're feeling that it's not a safe space for you, get out, get some help, get an outsider's perspective on it. Yeah, it's not okay for you to accept any less than you deserve, and you don't deserve shit. You don't deserve physical violence, you don't deserve, and that goes for both sexes as well.
Speaker 2:Exactly, it's not just male to female. No, no, no, it's not just male to female.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of press that talk about females being beaten, killed, all that kind of stuff, which is majority of the time.
Speaker 1:Which is a majority, but there are a lot of men and then a lot of people in our community that suffer domestic violence and in toxic relationships, that are unfortunately a little bit too afraid to come forward, because the past has actually told us that as a man, we're supposed to be strong, we're not supposed to be weak, we're not supposed to have these issues. So we would report it and it would almost go well, toughen up, don't be weak. You know what. You're not weak. It takes a strong person to actually walk away from a relationship, especially if you've been in a relationship for a long time. Yep, but walk away, because the consequences of not walking away could end really badly.
Speaker 2:And again, I would say to you if you've got friends, listen to what they're telling you, because if you're not seeing it for what you're seeing it, because you're blinded by these red flags and these misconceptions of what you believe is real, then listen to what your friends. If they can see something happening, then take it from me. It's happening, all right. Your friends will be your best, your best people to advise and guide in that situation. So please, you know, listen to what your friends are saying. It doesn't mean that they want to break you apart. They're looking out for you from an outsider's perspective. They see things differently to what you see. Them and therefore I think you know your friends and family members will also see it as well will be the people that will need to guide you and listen to them, and I pray to God that you do you know, yeah, and look, there's some phenomenal resources out there.
Speaker 1:So you've got Relationships Australia, which is also a website, obviously relationshipsnewsouthwalesorgau, because we're coming to you from New South Wales. You've got ACONON, who have endless relationships, endless counsellors, any of your local doctors, your GPs, all of those guys can guide you on those. Psychologists on the way. Anyone can help you get out of that. Beyond Blue, there are endless, endless, endless resources out there. So endless resources out there, so there's no need to actually be in a relationship that is going to potentially cause you harm. So yeah, that's a bit of a heavy one.
Speaker 2:Again, but it's necessary to report that because there are so many different types of toxic relationships out there and again, we don't hear about them because it's too late by the time it happens.
Speaker 1:You know, yep yep, unfortunately, unfortunately, yeah, but make sure that you look after yourself and if you're seeing any of the signs, whether it's competitiveness, jealousy, um, whether it's somebody not building you up, like if the person that you're supposed to love you, he's supposed to build you up, like. I know that and I'll just use our friendship for a second. The other week we went to the club we go to the club a lot, right and I was winning, and not winning on the pokies, but winning on the raffles and I don't think I was excited to see me win, as you were to see me win.
Speaker 1:Oh, I was ecstatic yeah, and I don't just mean at the raffles, I mean anything in life that I'm winning on right. You're happy for me and vice versa. I like when you sold your house recently and you beat way more than you got my warden, way more than you were supposed to get for it again, I was so you're happy for you, right?
Speaker 1:I was crying for you absolutely because people are supposed to be happy for your success. Absolutely right, and I'm happy for, like all my friends my courtney's, my ambers, my nicole's, my bronze and my john's, my, my family when they succeed. I am so happy, like one of my nieces has just had a new baby and like she is, it was like she was always going to be the best mom, always going to be the best mum, always going to be the best mum, and she had this little boy and the fuckwit that was in her life disappeared and she made the right choice to never have him back in her life right, but I couldn't have been happier to see her have a little boy because she was going to be the best mum ever. They're the kind of relationships that you actually want in your life, the ones that people are happy for your type of personality as well, matt, so it does.
Speaker 1:You know, you're very empathetic and very um.
Speaker 2:You know you're very um open to life as a whole.
Speaker 2:You know I mean yeah, you're non-judgmental you're well, you can be judgmental, but we're all just mental, but yeah but what I'm saying is, you don't put it out there in that regard, you keep your own emotions, you keep your emotions yourself in some regards, but you, you're full of love and full of yeah, I want people in my life to be happy. Yeah, exactly, and I get that 100, you know, and I, and I appreciate that as well, you know, I mean, I'm sure all the friends and family members do as well, and that's just down to your type of personality as well, which is you know, which is awesome, um, but we slightly digress a little bit there.
Speaker 2:But, um, I was going to say to you oh yeah. So one other topic I just want to talk about, matt, is age relationships. Now I'm referring to like older, younger type of relationships, so like, because it does happen, and it happens a lot of times in the gay community. I'm referring to like older, younger type of relationships, because it does happen and it happens a lot of times in the gay community. There's like sorry, I keep knocking the microphone. There's like older guys You're talking like in the 60s, 70s, ie sugar daddies.
Speaker 1:Oh fuck, we're just around the corner from the 60s, Dave.
Speaker 2:But what I'm saying is you know they have have, there are, relationships that you've got younger people in their 20s and these people in their 60s, 70s. There's a 40 age, 40 year age age gap, or even older. Do you believe that that type of relationship will ever work? Because to me I don't believe it does look look again, this is the same.
Speaker 1:For me it fits into the same category as and again, this is a stereotype and I'm by no means meaning to cause any offense by this, but this is your older white guy and your younger asian guy.
Speaker 1:I believe that there is an actual need for the older younger relationship that serves both parties perfectly. As long as they're consensual and they're both getting into this with the full knowledge of exactly what they're going to get slash give from this relationship, I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. I know that we've got again. We've we've got somebody we know that goes over to thailand for three months, six months of the year, um, and he's clearly going over there because he wants certain needs met right now. He is also aware, when he goes over there, that those needs are going to cost him a certain amount of money, right, whether it be looking after that family, contributing to the household, doing all that kind of stuff. So I think it's a relationship, it's a relationship of convenience, but no one is being hurt in that relationship. I think it's not toxic for the simple fact that everyone knows the cards are on the table. Everyone knows what each other is getting out of that relationship? Do you believe there's any love?
Speaker 2:in that of course there's love.
Speaker 1:Look, there's love from monetary fine monetary, but there's also they build a love based on mutual respect and mutual knowledge of each other. I'm not going to say a 20-year-old has a lot in common with a 60-year-old, right, but there are also circumstances where they have a ton in common. I know that for me, I'm mentally about a 14 year old, right. I laugh at fart jokes, I am stupid, right? So in in the best way possible, right? Um? So for me, to date somebody younger, apart from the fact that physically I couldn't keep up in the world look, that's what I'm bored down to.
Speaker 2:It's attractive side of things is the physicality side that is more desirable for a young old relationship. Yeah, from the elderly guy to the younger person. But but then again, younger guys fantasize about older guys I'll if I open my app now.
Speaker 1:Okay, I found a shirt that I really liked. It was really cute. I found the actual print and I ended up getting the shirt made and it had daddy on it and I've still got that photo on my grinder. Actually, I think I finally took it down you did because because it was just fucking too many people getting up going. Hey daddy, hey daddy, do you like being called daddy? And and I don't like being called daddy it was fun.
Speaker 1:It was just fun and it was light for that point in time. But people think, and there was some really young, not illegal young, okay, but no.
Speaker 2:Talking about age, then, matt, what would you, being now in your early 50s, okay, and I say early 50s, because that's where we are. We're not old 50s, middle 50s, we're early 50s and unfortunately, 14 manually and with a mentality of 14, yeah, but what I'm saying to you is what age bracket would you be happy dating or be in a relationship with from your age perspective?
Speaker 1:now, okay, so if I was, hypothetically, if I was ever to do a relationship again, it would be no younger than 40, right, I would probably cap it for the simple fact that 30-year-olds are still wanting to do certain things. I know what I was like at 30. I still want to go out and party a little bit. I still want to do all that. I've still got to find my life, find where I'm at, find all those kinds of things. So I would probably cap it myself at about the 30, I think maximum, like minimum or whatever that means, and the oldest I would go again depending on bank accounts would be, 100 or dead.
Speaker 1:I'm not opposed to a wrinkly cock and a nice low-hanging set of balls. They're not all wrinkly, no.
Speaker 2:Some stretch out nicely, some stretch out very nicely, low-hanging set of balls. Um, they're not all linked to that age, though, as we found out. You know. No, some some stretch out nicely, very nicely, but for me I think what's the youngest you would go? Look, I think very much like you, matt, I used to work on the pretenses of like five years, either way my age, but as I've gotten older, that's all.
Speaker 1:Like has sort of like you think I can't do that. 25 year old is really hot, though I think yeah.
Speaker 2:So, like you said, I think 40 is a good age for the lower end. Upper end I would say 65 maximum.
Speaker 1:Well see, and also anyone that's under 30, doesn't mean you've got to get a chance with me. You can still have a crack.
Speaker 2:Oh look, I mean, it's not that I wouldn't want it, but I just know that you know if you're going to go into a relationship, you want that relationship to work out. And last, you've got to have, like you said, you've got to have like something in common. Yeah, you've got to have space, but you've also got to have that ability to work towards future goals. You've got to have a mental capacity.
Speaker 1:You think?
Speaker 2:you know, most people in their 50s 60s are looking towards retirement types.
Speaker 1:People in their 30s and 40s have still got that, that 20-year opportunity to get to where we are and we're generalizing, we're not saying that all 20 year olds, their whole goal is to make it to the weekend. That's just how my mind works.
Speaker 2:Yeah, correct but when I was younger like I said to you, matt, before I even came out and all this, like I would fantasize for older guys, fucking 100 I would. And I don't know whether it's because I look to an older person, for the maturity, for the guidance, for the fatherly figure.
Speaker 1:Probably because they have bigger dicks or the fat cock they have. You know what I mean. They have bigger dicks than us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but as we've worked out now, as you're getting older, you can be desirable towards younger people because of their athleticism, their looks.
Speaker 1:I think you look for the desirability and what you have. The olympics are on at the moment.
Speaker 2:Oh fuck god, give me an olympic team. What the hell? There's some divers. I think I need to go to france, because you know france will stop anyway, jesus. Well, french are meant to have the biggest cocks in europe, anyway, supposedly, you know I need to go and do a cock tour um le cock. That's what they do. Yeah, le cock tour, leq tour, let's arrange it. Let's do it 2025, that's our next holiday. Any sponsors out there want to arrange for us to go pay for our holiday?
Speaker 1:we'll do a measuring tour, we'll do a review for you. Yep, yep, yeah. So relationships met and varied. There's probably a lot on here that we haven't discussed, but who knows? Future podcasts, you know we go off on tangents, so they'll all come up and please remember, these are our take on these.
Speaker 2:These are not what is set in stone. I mean, these are like what we've experienced to some degree and our opinions, and our opinions only. So please, you know, don't take it literally. But again, I mean hopefully that we've given you a broad guidance to types of relationships and what's out there and hopefully you know, if you are in a toxic relationship, please do make the moves and get it sorted, yeah, before it's too late and I'll say that more than anything yeah, reach out to relationshipsaustraliacomau.
Speaker 1:yeah, or beyond blue or lifeline, if you're really struggling um, those guys are really helpful. Or acon has a ton, a ton of um assistance programs we're not going to leave on a negative anyway.
Speaker 2:We hope everybody out there has a good relationship of some sort. Experience it have a go at anything, you know.
Speaker 2:I mean, if you're in a a monogamous relationship and you don't think it's working, I'll try the open relationship if you're in a pansexual relationship, or you're in an asexual relationship, or whatever demographics you are and your needs are different to the other person's, then talk it through, work it, make it work for you because you can still have a great relationship with that person, regardless of what it is. Remember to have fun, yeah, and you only have life once. You know. I mean, as far as we're aware, maybe more, who knows?
Speaker 1:oh, I'd like to believe we have, but but that's another topic. Anyway, I'll be back a few times, but anyway, yeah, but yeah, definitely have fun, enjoy relationships, make sure you cherish the friendships more than anything else and sex is important and pick up the phone, send a message to somebody you love right now.
Speaker 1:All right, okay, once you're finished listening and if you're driving, don't do it Maybe pick up and ask, tell people, ask that person because she'll start activating, but ask her to call somebody and say hi to them as well, and it doesn't take 10 seconds to say you love somebody or just how much you care about them.
Speaker 2:You know it doesn't mean you've got to be in that person's face. 24 7 no it just means that that person is feeling wanted, is needed, and you're wanted and needed as well. Yep correct, so yeah.
Speaker 1:Correct. So have a great day, have a great time and if you want to ask us any questions or suggest anything we can talk about, how do they do that, dave?
Speaker 2:You can find us on the Fully Grown Homos podcast at gmailcom or message any of our socials Fully Grown Homos podcast.
Speaker 1:That's a wrap from us. We've been your Fully Grown Homos and we look forward to opening your mind, your ears and your curiosities. Don't forget to like, comment and subscribe, and share our podcast with your curious friends. You can contact us on Fully Grown Homos Podcast at gmailcom or any of our socials fullygrownhomospodcast.
